This is what everyone wanted

a small smile settled onto my tear stained face. This is what everyone wanted, well then this is what they were getting. The thin blade settled on my skin it had been there many a time. All of this could be over now... The pain, the memories, the hurt. It could all be taken away... No one seemed to understand, people said I was loved... I didn't feel it. The pain and suffering was drowning me. No one cared about what I did, they saw the scars did they do anything? No. Did anyone try to save me? No. I was left all alone without anyone to love me or help me. I glanced down tears welling up in my eyes, was I really just a worthless freak to everyone? I have tried so hard to get stand tall or stand up for myself. It wasn't enough, they only pushed me further and further until I finally snapped. I'm a waste of space that no one could ever love. I felt like I could just disappear knowing not a single person would care. How did I make people despise me this much? I desperately reached for someone... anyone but no one wanted me. I was only used, I feel like a barbie. People use me and toy with me but when I brake they simply drop me and move on. I've been toyed with too many times I just snapped. I wanted to keep fighting but what was the point? To get knocked down again and again? To be someone's toy? I didn't need this pain. I don't need to feel used and broken, but some how it always comes back to haunt me. The hate comes to me and whispers in my ear always coming back to me. But who was going to stop any of this? My arms were littered in scars, did anyone stop those? No they let it go thinking I was indestructible. They are wrong though, I do break easily. I'm not titanium. Can no one see that I have emotions?