Him

It was all too much.

Everything. It was all out to get me, it was all too much.

My family is going to hate me.
My friends are going to hate me.
The entire fucking world is going to hate me.
He is going to hate me.

I sat on the cold tile floor, a pool of blood dripping from my wrists. Today was probably the worst it's ever been; because of him.

I love him, and that's just the issue. He is a him. He likes girls, the beautiful modelesque Los Angeles girls. Not me. Not his best friend, the one he can always confide in. Not the one who he relies on. Not the one who has always been there, through heartbreak or sickness. Not the one who has traveled the globe beside him and the rest of the band. Not the one who is secretly gay and loves him, who he will never love back.

All I'll ever be is the best friend. The one who is too afraid to come out. Who cuts because of it. The one who doesn't have the strength to say three simple words of "I love you".

Until I gather the courage to say those words, which may never happen, the physical pain will suffice as an alternate of the emotional. I deserve to be punished or even put to death. I'm a coward and I'm weak. I live a good life, an amazing one even, yet I will never have the strength everyone else has.

I just need strength.

I just need him.