I Hate you (in the works)
- Lecturas 40
- Votos 1
- Partes 2
I wouldn't say I'm be trying to be poetic, when I say hate is such a strong word. But the backlash that comes with is more harmful. It's the core energy since, Well I don't even know anymore I lost track. I guess I'm not totally useless since I'm a outlet. I'm not gonna go down the tunnel of the wimpy 'Why do they hate me?'; I don't need the answer. I wonder how others who are abused and bullied feel. I wonder if they have the same insight because my belief is that life has many spectrums and my life tilts in the hate bucket. This was usually my perspective because i tried to kid myself, that I was at least better in some spectrum of my attackers. Well that was before the day that shines a light better than my others.
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He had rules for a reason, or thats what he said. I did something wrong I got punished. I spoke out of turn, I got punished. I looked at him or ate without permission, I got punished. Haven thats what they named me funny isn't it? Ironic really. They named me Haven because my mom would say I was her 'Safe Haven'. What a pile of shit that was. She left willingly, she didn't depart because of some tragic accident. My father didn't kill her. She left because she was a coward who didn't want kids. As soon as my older brother went to college she left. I knew she hated me. I was the product of her love with another man. A constant reminder that her life didn't work out the way it was planned. He who ever he was is a phantom in its own. A deep rooted fantasy never going to come true. My brother left, my mother left, my grandma ignored, and my father broke. They let me give up hope on escaping and then decided to play hero. But I haven't forgotten everything I went through. Guilt consumes my brother but I don't care, you don't get to leave and then buy a reprieve of trying to save someone who has been dead for years. Besides lets just be honest I reached my breaking point long ago.
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