Dear Ricky,
It's been two months without you, already. I'm slowly dying on the inside. I never got to hold your hand and take you out to nice places, I never got the chance to call you mine, or the chance to treat you like a completely spoiled King. All because of my mistake.
I still hear the voices echoing throughout my beaten-up mind. The ones that most likely messed up your head forever? The gun shots, the police yelling throughout the building.. everything that happened that night.
I could still remember your body tightly pressed to mine in the last minutes we were allowed to share together. You were crying, and I was rocking you back and forth in my arms. Back then, you never knew how I felt for you. The kiss we shared? I made you believe you were drugged. I kissed you, because I feel something for you; but I made a huge mistake, and I never got the chance to tell you how much you really meant to me.
I messed up, Ricky. I hope you'll get this. I can't come home now, but I'll be home with you before you know it. I'll be able to hold your small, fragile body in my arms. I don't know if you feel the same about me. You were in such a haze the night I left, I couldn't make out what you were saying, at all. It's all a blur, now, but I remember what you said to me that night. I cherished those words every second that I've been gone, hoping to see you soon.
I swear to you, Richard Porter Dillon. I will be home soon.
With love,
Kian Lawley.
-
❝You thought you'd just walk out of that place with a perfect life served to you on a golden platter? Think again, Lawley.❞
"I know I probably shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't be disappointed or angry that he no longer loves me the way he used to. I know it's my fault, after all I was the one to make the choice. But if I could go back and choose again, I want him to know that he would always be my pick. I was foolish. I was young. I let fame get to my head. Why must you Remind Me of the past that I want to forget so desperately.
I should've chose him.
I should've held him closer.
I should've told him that I loved him.
But, is it possible that through it all, I can chose again?"
*Mentions of abuse-- both verbal and sexually. Depression and self hatred a subject to be aware of. No form of self harm or eating disorder. Possible character death both major and minor. Any other warnings will be placed before the chapter begins. Hope you enjoy.*
- HIGHEST RANKING: #9th in troyesivan
~ note: this fic is like my baby it's been through so much shit and i know it's not the best writing you'll ever read but i wrote it in a very dark time in my life and my mood- it reflects a lot off of the plot and the descriptors used. please be kind and know that im growing and so is my writing ability everyday. ilysm. enjoy ~