The Self I Hide
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Ongoing<5 mins
Last published Fri, Aug 9, 2019
Not long ago there was this kid whose parents went out one night for a special dinner and never came back. No one's really sure what happened but, they were both dead by morning. Since this 15-year-old couldn't live alone, the poor orphan ended up moving from the free city of Chicago to one of the most conservative cities in the entire United States, Amarillo, Texas. New school, new friends, maybe, and a new life. From the top to the bottom, literally.
If you haven't guessed already, this kid is me.
Hi, I'm Charlie Meadows. I'm 15 and I identify non-binary. I couldn't tell anyone though. Not after my parents died. They wouldn't understand the depression, or the anxiety, or the dysphoria. I'd have to manage on my own from now on.
All Rights Reserved
#446
texas
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"What if I'm not one?" I asked, my body wound tight with tension. "One what?" he asked, his voice soft and low. I hesitated. Was I ready? I wanted to tell him so badly. Wanted to scream it from the fucking rooftops. But there would be no going back if I allowed the words to spill out into the world. Telling myself I didn't need someone else's validation, that I knew myself well enough to know with absolute certainty that I was trans was all good and well in principle. But lying here underneath my bed, with my best friend's body pressed so close to mine I could feel his warm breath on my face, I felt those convictions slip through my fingers. Danny's rejection would break me. In a fundamental way. "One what?" he repeated the question, scooting so close to me the tip of his nose brushed mine. Dust motes danced around us, suspended in mid air, teetering on the brink of this momentous feeling wrapping itself around us. I squeezed my eyes shut, pushing down the rush of anxiety trying to drown me. His nose bumped mine again and his breath ghosted over my lips. I opened my eyes and stared unblinkingly into his. 'A girl', I wanted to say, even though I knew the words would taste sour in my mouth, 'what if I'm not a girl?' -------------------------------------- Sean and Danny have been next door neighbours and best friends since they were six years old. They've shared almost everything. From first kisses and crushes to heartbreak. But Sean has a secret. One he's never shared with his best friend - who's also the guy he's been in love with since he's known what love is. Sean is trans and struggling to come out. But it's Senior year and choices have to be made. Between college applications, uncovering a plan to hurt one of their classmates and his relationship with Danny, Sean is struggling with doing the right thing and graduating high school in one piece. ⭐to cross oceans for is PART I of Sean and Danny's story⭐ *TW: sexual assault and bullying *
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