Danger
- Reads 1,477
- Votes 80
- Parts 13
MatureOngoing1h 55m
Last published Mon, Jun 23, 2014
I keep finding myself stifled by the company of others and then crippled by loneliness when I leave them. I am terrified and I don't even know of what, because I lost everything already. He is dangerous; uncertain of what will happen. One day he's there, and the other he disappears among the world around him. I want to see him, I want to see him so badly. That's the only thing I'm really certain of, and the only thing I can say with confidence. I'm not totally mad at him, I'm just sad. It's like he's locked up in a tiny little world of his, and when I try knocking on the door, he sort of just looks up for a second and goes right back inside. When I'm around him, I'm not terrified. I know I should be, but I'm not. He's dangerous because he has my heart, but won't return it. He steps on it and hurts it just as much as I want to do the same. I can't do anything because he's gone before I can give an explanation, and I'm left there thinking to myself why it was ever a good idea to get involved with him. It is like he makes sure that he hurts me enough that I can't walk away without having pain in my chest. The only thing I am afraid of is losing him because I know once I lose him, I can never ever get that rush of a feeling that I won't ever be safe again. Once I'm no longer safe, my world is becomes dangerous. I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen. He's dangerous for a while, but that is until I take over. And they don't just call it danger for nothing.
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"You rejected me!! Not the other way around!!" I yelled at him, tears streaming down my face. "I know." He says, he head hangs low. "And I'm sorry. I should never have rejected you." He went to take my hands into his but I turned away from him. Tears were still going down my face. How could he, after all this time, have the nerve to come here. He knew that he had hurt me. Now he is sorry and wants me back? No. "Please. Believe me. I messed up big time! I didn't know what I had until it was gone!" He said. I heard every word. They cut through the wall of my heart and placed themselves on it . It hurt. But what he did to me had hurt even more. "That's right. You screwed up. Consider me lost." I said. Then I walked away.
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