Apfel (Book 1) - Catherine Ann Dostal - Wattpad

Apfel (Book 1)

Reads 324
Votes 92
Parts 14
Time 48m

Reads 324
Votes 92
Parts 14
Time 48m

alone change circus crisis dark depression devil drama fear hate hopeless mystory ownstory poem poetry short vulnerable wattys2018

Every word was drawn out of me like a hot wire- some fast, some excruciatingly slow. This collection is very personal to me... Apfel (the German word for apple) marks the beginning of a stage in my life: depression. October to November 2017. This was not about...me; it was all about the other side: the change, the loss, the gathering tidal wave and - and the inevitable.

"It's better than keeping it all bottled up"... they say. "You have an outlet" safe; not their responsibility. But they don't think you understand... I bottle it up in poems. Each one charged with aeons of hurt. Each one pushed under the carpet. I always hide away and run from my problems and when I face them create a greater mess than before. That's why I never read them over...until now.

Please note that all grammatical and linguistic, as well as those in punctuation and spelling or placing of words were intentional. 

If you LIKE this and want me to put together my other poetry and pictures as the journey continues, please show me by voting (I might consider adding the other- more sensitive- poems in another volume) and commenting your feedback.

PLEASE DO NOT COPY any of the poetry or pictures.All Rights Reserved

alone change circus crisis dark depression devil drama fear hate hopeless mystory ownstory poem poetry short vulnerable wattys2018

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14 parts

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4. Memories and Feelings That Still Haunt Me by Sweet_Cinnamon17

I've cried too hard for too long as I debated death. Over and over, all I wanted was a quick overdose, a quick way to escape the pain. Until the guilt set it and made me realise, suicide feels too selfish. Instead I turned my sadness into art and my pain into strength. Desperately wanting to carve up my skin, I bled on a page. My screams are silent, hidden behind closed doors, And computer screens. All these horrible emotions kept secret in notebooks. I'm too afraid to speak about it, so I write it down That's how my poetry is made. ~The birth of poetry -Me ____ First place in 2021 Irenic Awards poetry catergory Highest rankings: #16 original work #2 relapsing

A Broken Optimist by mybookobsession_

She's a lost soul, searching for Froot Loops in a world of Cheerios. Emotions. Inflicted by words, Creating signals to connect those emotions. A pang in your heart, the dull ache of love, a tedious, meaningless thing to some. The entire thing to others. Confusing, at the least. All consuming, at the most. We bundle it inside, Hide it in boxes, In the deepest crevices of our persona, Then suddenly, it burst free, tumbling into the atmosphere, filling every hour, every moment. Words convey it. Words share it. Through words, our emotions are liberated. Disclaimer: I wrote this throughout the course of a year. It had its ups and it's down in emotion. It ends on a happy note, I think. It has some overdramatic things in which my past self annoys me sometimes. But it also has some good pieces of thought. The world sucks. I can't promise that it's not going to suck, Because it probably always will. But there will be times Where the good in the world Makes it suck a little less.

Deception (Urban Fiction) by beautifullychy

Warning: Mature audiences only. "I love you," he whispered seductively in my ears sending chills throughout my entire body. I was more than in love with this man. He had my mind going wild with just a single touch of his soft hands against my skin. "I want you," he says as he gently pulls me into his arms and kisses my lips passionately. Making my body want more of the sensational feeling his affection created in my body. I was most definitely sprung and I honestly didn't want this amazing feeling he gave me to ever end. He was phenomenal, and he had all of the attributes I looked for in a man. He was fine as hell, romantic, consistent, loyal, funny, active, and had money. "How can a man be so perfect?" I thought in my head as I looked lustfully into his dark brown eyes. "Or maybe he isn't as perfect as I think?" I questioned myself being opened to the possibility that I was slightly blinded by his perfections. "Or what if he's playing me and he's not who I think he is at all?" I thought jokingly, quickly eliminating that possibility. ****************** Who is this wondrous man? is he as great as he seems? Or are the possibilities endless? Follow Nevaeh Nicole Johnson on her search for happiness. Maybe she's already found it? But you'll have to find out.

Emotional Amnesia by CAKerst

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say, "I know you're not". I have felt like this many times in my life; as a kid, teenager and as an adult. I have seen many things in my life and felt even more things that has been horribly depressing... But I got up. I stood up to walk on for another day. I dealt with my emotional amnesia the only way I knew I could and that was by writing it out into poetry. I wanted to forget my pain and forget what I was going through. I needed that cut of the blade or a pill to drink to take everything away. My poetry became both my pill and my blade... Now I share the most intimate part of myself with the world. The part of me I kept hidden in the closet. The part I never thought I would ever present to the world. Now is the time I have to stop having amnesia about my emotions. It is time to learn, to better myself and to stand up and remember the things that I shut out like a voluntary amnesia all these years. Those who are offended after reading this - f**k you! If you are sad with me and willing to cut your wrist - I know how you feel! If you just enjoy the words - I love you! #679 in Poetry on 17/03/2018 #779 in Poetry on 18/03/2018 #807 in Poetry on 19/03/2018 #474 in Poetry on 22/03/2018

Cold Water by adaline_meadows

[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ Depression

Release by FeelMyBreath

This is a collection of my writing from the past 7 years. Before I started to write, I was a very lost individual, as are most teens, but I was lost in darkness. I was too afraid to move anywhere at all. I hid in the dark, debilitated by my own anxiety, sadnesses, anger, and hopelessness. I was desperate to be loved and feared it the most, I was a coward, I was self-destructive, I would mentally bend my thoughts to the point of bordering insanity. I was born into this world alone, and got too comfortable with it. Maybe I still am, but a fraction of what I used to be. This writing is extremely vulnerable, and potentially disturbing to others, as all my weaknesses, strengths, obsessions with making every moment sentimental, the sickening desperation I've had, the destructiveness, and the constant brutal reconstruction of my mind. Without guidance, it's been absolute intense chaos. Though, there is beauty in the darkness. Everything can be found in the darkness. You'll find that through my writing, I've somehow slowly become exactly what I've written. A living representation of my writing and what I wanted to be. Without myself even knowing it. A lot of my writing themes are based around nature, or some kind of natural aspect. The imagery I paint with natural metaphors is constant, the animals, just like you and I, the plants, and all other living things. I planted these seeds in my mind, unknowingly at the time, where I now feel the deep dark green jungle pressing at the inner walls of my skull. It's all that I want to consume my mind. There's so much to learn. The magic of nature, and it's infinite wisdom. It's as if I have been on this path all along, and I didn't even know what I was doing, yet my body and mind were passively taking care of me. Giving me and eventually showing exactly what I want, and wanted to become. I have every moment, every instance of suffering, and every epiphany to be thankful for. Soon, I'll be at peace from the raging storm.

The Night Sky is in Her Veins by oralie98

// s o n d e r \\ - "the realisation that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own" Life can be dark, cold and lonely. Feeling betrayed, misunderstood, chewed up and spat out by the world, its when I get sonder, that I realise I might not be as alone as I thought. This is my autobiography, in a series of harsh and delicate words, painted as a story. Includes drugs, sex, alcoholism, depression, anxiety, self harm, suicidal tendencies, assault and other hard topics, so read at your own discretion. THIS IS THE TRIGGER WARNING. I wrote it, with the intention that, if there are people in the world who feel alone and misunderstood just like me, and can benefit in any way by relating to my stories in my poems, then I have done at least one thing right. Highest rankings: #1 in poetry 07/05/2021 #1 in poetry 26/11/2021 #1 in slampoetry 07/05/2021 #1 in sonder 08/05/2021 #1 in sonder 06/12/2021 #2 in slampoetry 25/11/2021 #2 in slampoetry 01/12/2021 #2 in slampoetry 06/12/2021 #2 in sonder 27/11/2021 #2 in sonder 01/12/2021 #3 in slampoetry 06/07/2021 #3 in sonder 30/09/2021 #3 in sonder 25/11/2021 #3 in sonder 11/12/2021 #4 in slampoetry 24/11/2021 #4 in slampoetry 03/01/2022 #5 in melancholy #6 in sadness #11 in poetry #11 in alcoholism #21 in smoking

Sigh【Ein X Reader】[ Completed ] by Mariko_Akiyama

CONTENT CONTAINS : SELF HARM SUICIDE ATTEMPTS SUICIDAL THOUGHTS MENTAL ILLNESS SEXUAL CONTENT DRUG USE ABUSE GORE VIOLENCE & STRONG LANGUAGE IF YOU'RE EASILY TRIGGERED OR UNCOMFORTABLE, DO NOT READ!! • " What was that for? " " For you to shut up " " What? " " It's not what it looks like " " Ouch " " Sorry " " What was that for? " " I don't know " In that moment, is where everything started to change my life. • I tried my best to hide it. I thought I was going to be dead, never underestimate him. He's got shit you've never seen before. I lost my father because of him, my sister's and brother's life are in my hands. I have to be careful, I can't loose them, without them, how can I live? Until he came into my life, I feel different from the inside. His eyes meets mine, it's like a fire was lit inside a dark room and it became brighter, my world that was upside down is turning the right way up, I think I love him, but the problem is. I'm using him while I Sigh in plain sight. Who is this 'he'?, What will 'he' think when 'he' finds out this person is using 'him'?, Will it end happily?, Or another plot twist that has been in my other books? Read this book to know. FYI, Ein is human in this story. [ Completed ] Started : 3rd September 2019. Finished : 3rd December 2019. [ Highest Ranking : #27 in Aphmau ] [ #2 in Ein ] [ #1 in Ein X Reader ] [ #2 in Sigh ] Disclaimers : I do not own ANY of the characters only the ideas, they belong to a youtuber called Aphmau, I don't own any of the songs either or the pictures, except Y/n, it belongs to you. There are a few characters that I OWN. My OC : Xelora Kiselyov Catherine Fox Ash Lee Mandrell Natalie Rosetta Mandrell Coraline Alycia Jones Mariko Akiyama

Chances Of Truth ☑️ by zZohana3

"It's too much to remember everything and everyone, all pain and hurt is killing me day by day little by little. I wish I could remove all the pain and move on in my life. I wish I could find an eraser or Better a delete button, so that I could start from beginning, without any misery or pain." ......................................................................................... "Hey Eva, you know you can trust me, right? " He asked me again cupping my cheeks, I can't let him continue this. It had to stop now or it would be too late. I can't risk everyone's life specially his. If hurting him means, him being alive then I would do it without thinking. Again and again. "Eva are you even listening to me?" Noah asked moving his face closer. From this close I can even see the scar which he told me about, its just below the border line of his hair, it can be easily conceal but from this close its more real. His eyes, they are magical. I would love to look at them all the time and never get tired of looking at in them. No, I cannot do this to him, I can't be selfish, I have to do something this time. "No" I answer and walked away from him. .............................................................

Wave (Book 2) by Anniezie

I had survived the first. That was then; this is now. The blindfold of so many pills slowly died away and first though my finger then my head, a passion, a hurt and a need filled me as every moment was consumed with words; every breath with wisps of ink. But they were not all captured and somewhere in the deep abyss of living, lies the unspoken, almost unfelt feelings of decades in months. This is the half-empty account off all those nights from December through into the new year and the end of March. ...I pains me to share it. But it also makes it just not my problem anymore and that is something I long for- freedom and peace. Please note that all grammatical and linguistic, as well as those in punctuation and spelling or placing of words were intentional. If you LIKE this and want me to write a commentary on each poem and picture (as in my previous collection Apfel), please show me in comments and votes :) PLEASE DO NOT COPY any of the poetry or pictures.

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Slide 1 of 10

4. Memories and Feelings That Still Haunt Me cover

A Broken Optimist cover

Deception (Urban Fiction) cover

Emotional Amnesia cover

Cold Water cover

The Night Sky is in Her Veins cover

Sigh【Ein X Reader】[ Completed ] cover

Chances Of Truth ☑️ cover

Wave (Book 2) cover

4. Memories and Feelings That Still Haunt Me

I've cried too hard for too long as I debated death. Over and over, all I wanted was a quick overdose, a quick way to escape the pain. Until the guilt set it and made me realise, suicide feels too selfish. Instead I turned my sadness into art and my pain into strength. Desperately wanting to carve up my skin, I bled on a page. My screams are silent, hidden behind closed doors, And computer screens. All these horrible emotions kept secret in notebooks. I'm too afraid to speak about it, so I write it down That's how my poetry is made. ~The birth of poetry -Me ____ First place in 2021 Irenic Awards poetry catergory Highest rankings: #16 original work #2 relapsing