Everyone Un-Died + My Gardener Bit Me: The Oral History of the Zombie Apocalypse - AaronRubicon - Wattpad

Everyone Un-Died + My Gardener Bit Me: The Oral History of the Zombie Apocalypse

Reads 33,958
Votes 5,789
Parts 51
Time 4h 41m

Reads 33,958
Votes 5,789
Parts 51
Time 4h 41m

absurd apocalypse darkhumor humor zombieapocalypse zombies zombiesurvival

"Sure, it was robots this time. But who's to say that it won't be zombies next time? And when the zombies do come, who's going to be ready for it? Me." - Marietta 
"I mean, like, say what you want about the robots, but at least they weren't gross!" - Lila

Welcome to the long-awaited sequel to the irreverent and uproarious 2015 Watty Award-winning EVERYONE DIED + MY iPHONE STOPPED WORKING!

It's been three years since humanity was *almost* wiped out and the lucky survivors are now breathing easy, confident that they no longer have anything to fear from murderous robots. And indeed, they do not.

But unbeknownst to them, there is another extinction-level threat on the horizon. It's a ferocious new enemy... and it smells terrible.

Cover art courtesy of my ridiculously talented friend Dave Pressler. http://www.davepresslerart.comAll Rights Reserved

absurd apocalypse darkhumor humor zombieapocalypse zombies zombiesurvival

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51 parts

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We Are Survivors (BOOK 2) by ElizabethAnne647

➡THIS IS THE SEQUEL TO THE FIRST STORY I WROTE ON HERE "We Are Free"⬅ Its been a few months since Lainey and the others left the town behind, And the second plague was released. After losing her loved ones, she struggles to stay afloat in the crazy new world. But she has her friends to help her though it to their new destination. Another bunker. Somewhere they can ride out winter where they are safe. Will they make it?

What Ever Happened to Muffins? by EryxAias

In celebration for Halloween: A story with a tiny bit of strangeness, some silly humor, clichés, a cat, monstrous rats, annoying neighbors and their annoying dogs, an inescapable apartment building full of zombies, starter weapons, oldies music, ridiculous drawings, injuries and deaths. Or is it un-deaths? Movie trailer person's voice: "Rated PG-13 for stabbing zombies, hitting zombies over the head [overall aggression against zombies of all kinds], one instance of auto theft, and the occasional cursing [8-9 of them, censored by ridiculous little grawlixes]." ***As of the 28 of November, Wattpad has deemed my story "Mature". They've also formed a rally demanding that "Yoga Hosers" be changed to XXX, due to the sausage Nazi that entered that bloke's bum.*** No sex, no drugs, no self-harm, no references to nudity, crude language censored, moderate violence and comedic violence is the only thing the story contains. By the Canadian rating-it's a rating of 14+. Making that clear, since the story is now amongst the site's smut pile, and it's nothing like those. ***Disclaimer: No children, people-and most importantly, animals-were harmed in the making of this story. The drawings [22] within the chapters are made by me, solely for the purpose of this story. I'm not a fine artist, I merely draw on rare occasions. Please do not steal, replicate, reproduce my drawings without consent or without linking to this story.***

Finding Humanity by NinaMarks

After escaping a stalled elevator into a zombie apocalypse, Emily must learn how to trust people again or risk losing everything in this terrifying world. ***** For Emily, every day of the last two years have been a blur. She keeps her head down, takes her college courses online, and only goes out to work at her mandatory internship. But all that changes on the day the office elevator breaks down, leaving her trapped when the screams begin. And when the doors finally open, revealing a dystopian world ruined by bloody teeth and disease, Emily is launched into a terrifying run for her life, caught between the strangers she's not sure she can trust and the man-eating monsters that hunger for her flesh. Now she must learn not only how to survive in this new and dangerous world, but also how to overcome her own inner demons before they cost her something more precious than her life. [[Wattys' Shortlist]] [[Promoted by AMC]] Content and/or Trigger Warning: The story contains some gore, violence, strong language, and dark themes. [[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]]

Love Bitez by katfeatherly

WARM BODIES meets THE BREAKFAST CLUB meets ZOMBIELAND in this YA apocalypse story full of fluff, comedy and humans biting back. ✿ "When I imagined my high school crush would be dying to eat me, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind." ✿✿ Ava Sterling never expected she'd be the one solution to the zombie apocalypse. Then again, she never expected she would end up biting one of them either. But, hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. During a moment of intense panic, Ava's teeth end up firmly lodged in the arm of her old crush, now turned very much zombie. A spur-of-the-moment impulse that even drowning in mouthwash wouldn't erase. After this impromptu bite, Gabriel the zombie turns back into Gabriel the human and the zombie apocalypse suddenly takes a completely different turn. This not-so-fun revelation changes everything for Ava's ragtag group of survivalists. Tensions are higher than ever. Feelings are getting in the way. And it seems that being newly re-humanized does leave some nasty mental side-effects on the previously zombified. Still, not everything is that bleak for Ava and her survivors. For one, it's finally time for the humans to bite back. ✿✿✿ ACHIEVEMENTS: 🏅ONC Round One Winner, Ambassador's Pick & Shortlister WARNING: There is occasional swearing, some gore, and lots of laughs. You have been warned.

Revenge of the Dead by GeorgiaMD2000

BOOK TWO I can feel them getting closer. Their screeches haunting me at night, telling me to drop dead. I've never listened to them before. But it's different now. You can't save some people, but I'll fight to the death to save humanity. What's my life against millions? * Now just a mere scatter of survivors, the group flee abroad- in hope of finding refuge and answers. But all is not as it seems. For danger hides in pure daylight. Highest Ranking: #132 in Horror

Game theory: A Zombie Apocalypse by MorMor_187

Matthew Patrick always had a thing for zombies. wether in movies, tv shows, comics, you name it- he knows it. It turned out that Matthew has learned a lot about zombies from many years of liking this content, but other people, especially his long-time bully Stephanie Cordato, are always on his case about it. But what happens when a zombie apocalypse erupts and Stephanie has no choice but to rely on no other than Matthew, the half-dead dork, to survive? (sorry for any misspellings and/or grammar mistakes. English is not my first language) * * Original photo arstist: TokyoStreet.Photo on Vaporwave Wallpaper

Decaying Hearts by KaylaAHoughton

When Josh Reynolds stumbles upon a stranger, he is introduced to new hope. Welcomed in to a small compound safe from the Teeth and surrounded by people, he learns he is not alone. Being on the road for so long, he was convinced he was the last of the human race; the sole survivor. With this unlikely group, he must continue to fight against the new world. He will make new friends, enemies and face challenges he could never have imagined before. Who will survive? All will face great peril, but who will survive the turmoil? "This is an outstanding book and I'm so in love with it, I can't even. I hope you never give up writing, because you're seriously a true talent and the writing world would be lost without you" "This is a well written story. Good idea and excellently written. Deserves way more reads" "One of the best I've seen on here so far" Highest rank #71 Science Fiction

A Different Virus: Heartfire by CrystalScherer

In the future, everyone who's bitten by a zombie turns into one... until Diane doesn't. Seven days later, she's facing consequences she never imagined. * * * * * As civilization collapses under a relentless wave of zombies, Diane and her friends take shelter in a military base. However, while she's rescuing another survivor, Diane gets bitten by one of the monsters. She hides it and runs away, knowing she only has days left to live. But she soon discovers she isn't turning into a zombie - she's turning into something else. --------- Excerpt: I looked up and stared. My reflection looked back at me in the mirror of the dark room. My eyes were literally glowing, there was no mistaking it. It was not a reflection of light, or any of the other excuses I had used or others had assumed. They were glowing a light sapphire blue color. It was not a bright glow, but it was definitely a glow. Glowing eyes were not normal. Okay, at this point I had to admit it, I was no longer normal. What was I then? For that, I had no answer [[Word count: 495,000]] Copyright August 2016. All Rights Reserved. Readers may not copy, alter, or steal this story. Fanfictions are allowed to use my *world* and *zombie rules* as long as credit is given. Cover was lovingly made by JimenaVivancoo.

The Virus Within: Third Wave (Book 2) by CrystalScherer

The third wave is looming, mere weeks away, but in the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse, problems never come just one at a time. Season 2 of The Virus Within * * * * * Life isn't easy, and that's doubly true when you're a zombie surrounded by humans, a crazy redhead, and a far-too-curious scientist. Once you add in a long-lost sister and a Terror who doesn't know how to zombie, peace and quiet are the last things you'll find. Reports of a Nightstalker attack come mere weeks before the third wave is due, and Trinity is one of the few who have the necessary skills to take on such a zombie. Leaving her sister in the safety of the Stronghold, Trinity joins the rest of the group as they embark on a road trip to locate the feral creature before it can kill anyone else. Trouble looms on the horizon like a thunderstorm, and where there's thunder, there's lightning. You better pack your dish soap because the third wave isn't waiting for anyone. Cover designed by Marie Tilmant

Don't Talk To Anyone | BOOK 2 by honeywriitings

(Sequel to Don't Talk To Strangers) It's been a couple months since the zombies had vanished. No more zombies. No more killings. And no more bad people. So they thought... Life is good, until something seems- out of place. Maybe it's a change in the weather or thickness of the air. Or it could be the electronic buzzing noise keeping them awake at night. The gang is suspicious, but nothing peaks their interests until one of them comes home infected. It's only a matter of time until the infection spreads around the rest of their body. It's a race against the clock to help them survive. Because the friends can't part with their own. They're family. And losing another person amongst the world is too much to handle. But if adding in revengeful ex-friends, hot summers, babies AND more zombies to the mix is what it takes to finally make these kids give up, congratulations. You got your wish. Not everyone is as strong as they want to be. Will they make it or break it?

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Slide 1 of 10

We Are Survivors (BOOK 2) cover

What Ever Happened to Muffins? cover

Finding Humanity cover

Love Bitez cover

Revenge of the Dead cover

Game theory: A Zombie Apocalypse cover

Decaying Hearts cover

A Different Virus: Heartfire cover

The Virus Within: Third Wave (Book 2) cover

Don't Talk To Anyone | BOOK 2 cover

We Are Survivors (BOOK 2)

➡THIS IS THE SEQUEL TO THE FIRST STORY I WROTE ON HERE "We Are Free"⬅ Its been a few months since Lainey and the others left the town behind, And the second plague was released. After losing her loved ones, she struggles to stay afloat in the crazy new world. But she has her friends to help her though it to their new destination. Another bunker. Somewhere they can ride out winter where they are safe. Will they make it?