Everyone Un-Died + My Gardener Bit Me: The Oral History of the Zombie Apocalypse - AaronRubicon - Wattpad

Everyone Un-Died + My Gardener Bit Me: The Oral History of the Zombie Apocalypse

Reads 33,958
Votes 5,789
Parts 51
Time 4h 41m

Reads 33,958
Votes 5,789
Parts 51
Time 4h 41m

absurd apocalypse darkhumor humor zombieapocalypse zombies zombiesurvival

"Sure, it was robots this time. But who's to say that it won't be zombies next time? And when the zombies do come, who's going to be ready for it? Me." - Marietta 
"I mean, like, say what you want about the robots, but at least they weren't gross!" - Lila

Welcome to the long-awaited sequel to the irreverent and uproarious 2015 Watty Award-winning EVERYONE DIED + MY iPHONE STOPPED WORKING!

It's been three years since humanity was *almost* wiped out and the lucky survivors are now breathing easy, confident that they no longer have anything to fear from murderous robots. And indeed, they do not.

But unbeknownst to them, there is another extinction-level threat on the horizon. It's a ferocious new enemy... and it smells terrible.

Cover art courtesy of my ridiculously talented friend Dave Pressler. http://www.davepresslerart.comAll Rights Reserved

absurd apocalypse darkhumor humor zombieapocalypse zombies zombiesurvival

Table of contents

51 parts

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Decaying Hearts by KaylaAHoughton

When Josh Reynolds stumbles upon a stranger, he is introduced to new hope. Welcomed in to a small compound safe from the Teeth and surrounded by people, he learns he is not alone. Being on the road for so long, he was convinced he was the last of the human race; the sole survivor. With this unlikely group, he must continue to fight against the new world. He will make new friends, enemies and face challenges he could never have imagined before. Who will survive? All will face great peril, but who will survive the turmoil? "This is an outstanding book and I'm so in love with it, I can't even. I hope you never give up writing, because you're seriously a true talent and the writing world would be lost without you" "This is a well written story. Good idea and excellently written. Deserves way more reads" "One of the best I've seen on here so far" Highest rank #71 Science Fiction

The Last Colony by StoryTellerByFire

The outbreak at Pax was lethal. Within hours the entire western seaboard was overtaken. Within a week; the world. With no cure and no hope. All that there was left to do was simply survive. Then a small glimmer of hope inspires Mark and Sean. They overhear a frequency about a place where any remaining humans should go. Getting there is dangerous, but staying put is no longer an option. These zombies are too smart and too aggressive. They have no choice. They must find 'The Last Colony'. Cover Art by: 'HiImSoul'

What Ever Happened to Muffins? by EryxAias

In celebration for Halloween: A story with a tiny bit of strangeness, some silly humor, clichés, a cat, monstrous rats, annoying neighbors and their annoying dogs, an inescapable apartment building full of zombies, starter weapons, oldies music, ridiculous drawings, injuries and deaths. Or is it un-deaths? Movie trailer person's voice: "Rated PG-13 for stabbing zombies, hitting zombies over the head [overall aggression against zombies of all kinds], one instance of auto theft, and the occasional cursing [8-9 of them, censored by ridiculous little grawlixes]." ***As of the 28 of November, Wattpad has deemed my story "Mature". They've also formed a rally demanding that "Yoga Hosers" be changed to XXX, due to the sausage Nazi that entered that bloke's bum.*** No sex, no drugs, no self-harm, no references to nudity, crude language censored, moderate violence and comedic violence is the only thing the story contains. By the Canadian rating-it's a rating of 14+. Making that clear, since the story is now amongst the site's smut pile, and it's nothing like those. ***Disclaimer: No children, people-and most importantly, animals-were harmed in the making of this story. The drawings [22] within the chapters are made by me, solely for the purpose of this story. I'm not a fine artist, I merely draw on rare occasions. Please do not steal, replicate, reproduce my drawings without consent or without linking to this story.***

Fool's Apocalypse by Bptikerpae

Like the start of any apocalyptic tale - an asteroid was headed towards Earth - but did it actually reach its mark? That's irrelevant, the world's gone potty anyway. You're either a murdering maneater, human cattle in a meat market with your flesh on the menu, or privileged enough to avoid such terrors and thus are naturally exploiting those less fortunate than yourself. Either way, there's bound to be some fun in here... surely? Also, there might just be a couple of robots in here too - why not, 'ey? Fancy a look to see how I fare in a life like this? Then take a read, why don't you? If you'd rather pass on it, well... sod you! xxxx

The Dead Walk Among Us by JennaMarissa13

It's been ten years since the fall of humanity. I was only ten years old when the zombies took over. The military told us to flee underground, explaining that it was safer. The zombies are smart, too smart. They can learn to hide themselves. Some of them disguise themselves to look like normal people. We tell them apart by checking their eyes. Zombies have enlarged pupils compared to humans. Achievements: 🏆 3rd place in The Flames Awards Sci-Fi category 🏆3rd place in The Slayer Book Awards 🏆3rd place in The Siren's Curse Awards @ScienceFiction added The Dead Walk Among Us to their Viruses & Zombies reading list. Best Rankings: #1 out of 113 in the tag end of days #8 out of 1,000+ stories in the tag end of the world

Revenge of the Dead by GeorgiaMD2000

BOOK TWO I can feel them getting closer. Their screeches haunting me at night, telling me to drop dead. I've never listened to them before. But it's different now. You can't save some people, but I'll fight to the death to save humanity. What's my life against millions? * Now just a mere scatter of survivors, the group flee abroad- in hope of finding refuge and answers. But all is not as it seems. For danger hides in pure daylight. Highest Ranking: #132 in Horror

Finding Humanity by NinaMarks

After escaping a stalled elevator into a zombie apocalypse, Emily must learn how to trust people again or risk losing everything in this terrifying world. ***** For Emily, every day of the last two years have been a blur. She keeps her head down, takes her college courses online, and only goes out to work at her mandatory internship. But all that changes on the day the office elevator breaks down, leaving her trapped when the screams begin. And when the doors finally open, revealing a dystopian world ruined by bloody teeth and disease, Emily is launched into a terrifying run for her life, caught between the strangers she's not sure she can trust and the man-eating monsters that hunger for her flesh. Now she must learn not only how to survive in this new and dangerous world, but also how to overcome her own inner demons before they cost her something more precious than her life. [[Wattys' Shortlist]] [[Promoted by AMC]] Content and/or Trigger Warning: The story contains some gore, violence, strong language, and dark themes. [[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]]

Ok, Who Got Bitten? by Samanthue

Right now, I'm squatting in a pile of human waste, desperately trying to get a signal on my phone. My friends are watching me reluctantly, their faces stained with blood and what I only hope is dirt. The light from my phone is illuminating their faces, casting light on the looks of horror that I have come to know all too well. My best friend is cradling her left arm, bandaged with a torn piece of cloth in hopes of stopping the blood flow. My sister can barely walk, and I think her hand is broken. She looks on the verge of tears. As we calm down, catching our breaths, I give up looking at my phone. I slowly turn to them, my own face crusted with blood. I look at each of them, one by one. "Ok, who got bitten?"

Apocalyptia: Rewritten by KyleisOriginal

(This was a story where I tried too hard to be smart, it came out as forced and unentertaining. While it was also fun to write, I strongly believe that the absurdity of the original edition was more entertaining.) Four friends that were never used in another book and totally are original are violently thrown into the end of the world. With the military nowhere to be seen, they venture out into the destroyed open world, hoping to find more helpful allies, not foes. This version of Apocalyptia has been improved and modified and will be heading into a more realistic direction than the original one I've written, this time with the help of my friends, I'll make it a more satisfying book to read. Made by: Smart and Retarded Idiots (The name of our group) This sucked

Rift by IvoryExilis

The days go by lightly and carefreely as always for most people, surely anyone has problems and things to worry about, either trivial or more serious ones, but nothing out of the ordinary or that humanity hasn't been able to manage. That is, until that fateful day, when no one could have expected that everything would be changing forever in an instant, with no way to go back. Probably, to this day, there is no one on the planet that has managed to figure out anything about it, chances are, no one is even trying to do so. Now everyone is too busy trying to survive, after all, but things might change soon... New chapter every Wednesday. The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Cover image by M S via Flickr Link to the license: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/ The resolution was changed to meet the requirements of Wattpad

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Slide 1 of 10

Decaying Hearts cover

The Last Colony cover

What Ever Happened to Muffins? cover

Fool's Apocalypse cover

The Dead Walk Among Us cover

Revenge of the Dead cover

Finding Humanity cover

Ok, Who Got Bitten? cover

Apocalyptia: Rewritten cover

Decaying Hearts

When Josh Reynolds stumbles upon a stranger, he is introduced to new hope. Welcomed in to a small compound safe from the Teeth and surrounded by people, he learns he is not alone. Being on the road for so long, he was convinced he was the last of the human race; the sole survivor. With this unlikely group, he must continue to fight against the new world. He will make new friends, enemies and face challenges he could never have imagined before. Who will survive? All will face great peril, but who will survive the turmoil? "This is an outstanding book and I'm so in love with it, I can't even. I hope you never give up writing, because you're seriously a true talent and the writing world would be lost without you" "This is a well written story. Good idea and excellently written. Deserves way more reads" "One of the best I've seen on here so far" Highest rank #71 Science Fiction