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WpMetadataReadMatureOngoing<5 mins
WpMetadataNoticeLast published Sun, Dec 9, 2018
TW: Depression and Anxiety, Cutting, Suicide. She was always in a whole different world, yet she still stood right in front of me. Before I ever knew, I'd sit there, watching her face, wondering what she was thinking about, but she never said what it was that would constantly cross her mind. Her face was sometimes a scowl, her eyebrows would lower, and her brown eyes would be darkened by some sort of burden, and she never replied anything but "Nothing," when I asked her what was wrong. It had always annoyed me, how she could move from one emotion from the other, seem so happy one minute before crashing into negative state as if a buzz from caffeine had ended, or a high had ended. I could never say anything about it though, her secrets and thoughts closed off to the outside world, the question "Are you sure?" being shrugged off. At some points, she seemed like she was torn between being two different people - one a bubbly, accepting social butterfly, and the other someone never wanting to do anything other then hide away from the world. But she never had seemed to speak up. She was always facing those thoughts alone, never letting anyone or anything find out about the thoughts in her head.
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For the last month I've had nothing but dark thoughts. I finally decided to speak to someone about it. I went to Mr.Harn and told him everything. All he did was hold me and bring me to the schools councilor. He told her the story I was able to utter. She called my mother and arranged for me to be put into therapy. I spoke with her for half an hour. "You've been through way to much for a girl your age!" She said in astonishment. "I know." I replied. "How are you alive?" She asked with both worry and curiosity. "I honestly don't know." I spoke the truth. How am I still alive?

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