I Still Love Him

I Still Love Him

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WpMetadataReadMatureComplete Fri, Jul 3, 202036m
I shouldn't have done it ... I shouldn't have listened ... I should've stayed ... I wish that I could just take it all back ... To go back ... Away from this cage, away from this life, away from HIM ... But, could HE ever forgive me for my sins?
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I wake up to the thoughts of tomorrow and how every corner is a new opportunity to smile. I have tasted fear and it was regretful. I have poisoned my body to find a cure. I have stained my heart with ink and I will continue to do so. I wake up to the thoughts of yesterday and how every maze... no matter how beautiful, they will always have an exit. I wake up to the thoughts of a future and it's scary to breathe cigarettes and wine. but I have made a bed out of the thin slices I cut from those who I've given my heart to. A pulsing heart racing back and forth, the pillow... you're reading it. I use sedative to help with the restlessness. I use drugs to trap myself into believing that I can be loved because I used to feel love, and now? I'm used to being alone, I have met the greatest people on underground society and they've given me a home, I have made lovers out of my demons and I have kissed my sins one time too many and let me tell you, if I ever forget to apologize because I'm weak and numb from the doses of white gunmans inside of hell sweat cabinets... I'm sorry that I can't be better. I'm weak. ° ° ° " I owe myself the biggest apology for putting up with what I didn't deserve." Red💋 💃MahikaNiAyana

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