The Roux

Dean looked up from the desk and over at me, and instead of smiling, he just...looked at me. I looked back, wondering what he was thinking. Finally, a small, satisfied smile ghosted around his lips, and something glowed at me from his eyes. It was warm and inviting and I wanted to be a part of it in this weird, connection sort of way. I blinked slowly and half smiled before looking back down at my sandwich. I needed to not get all emotional and read too much into things.

He was probably just wondering if I was going to finish my sandwich...no super-duper deep connection moment...

When I looked back up he was looking back at his book and arguing with Sam about the pronunciation of kitsune. And suddenly, even though nothing outwardly had changed, I felt the warmth inside me begin to dim. I leaned back into the couch cushions and felt the lostness start to creep back into my soul, it's icy fingers wrapping around my heart and lungs, bringing my anxiety to life.

I sighed heavily as I realized I had no control of these emotions. They were going to ride me and tear me to shreds and there was nothing I could to but let the hurricane rage. I felt the tears begin in my eyes and I set my sandwich down, rising to go find a bathroom. No one needed to see me cry.