Story cover for Stealing Pulse by xxxLoveLaughSmilexxx
Stealing Pulse
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    Reads 2,648
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  • WpPart
    Parts 16
  • WpHistory
    Time 53m
  • WpView
    Reads 2,648
  • WpVote
    Votes 61
  • WpPart
    Parts 16
  • WpHistory
    Time 53m
Ongoing, First published May 17, 2011
This is a story about me. My life as I see it. I tell it in the first person and it is written like a diary entry, only more intimate. I don't hold anything back, so prepare yourself for the raw, uncensored, and compassionate story of what its like to be caught in-between living my life and running from it. I know what it's like to be in the shower, having the water cover the sound of your sobs. 

I know what it's like to lay in bed sobbing and gripping your chest like there's nothing left. 

I know what it's like to feel like there's no hope left to hold onto. To think you're all alone.

 But I also know what it's like to realize you aren't.
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This is a collection of my writing from the past 7 years. Before I started to write, I was a very lost individual, as are most teens, but I was lost in darkness. I was too afraid to move anywhere at all. I hid in the dark, debilitated by my own anxiety, sadnesses, anger, and hopelessness. I was desperate to be loved and feared it the most, I was a coward, I was self-destructive, I would mentally bend my thoughts to the point of bordering insanity. I was born into this world alone, and got too comfortable with it. Maybe I still am, but a fraction of what I used to be. This writing is extremely vulnerable, and potentially disturbing to others, as all my weaknesses, strengths, obsessions with making every moment sentimental, the sickening desperation I've had, the destructiveness, and the constant brutal reconstruction of my mind. Without guidance, it's been absolute intense chaos. Though, there is beauty in the darkness. Everything can be found in the darkness. You'll find that through my writing, I've somehow slowly become exactly what I've written. A living representation of my writing and what I wanted to be. Without myself even knowing it. A lot of my writing themes are based around nature, or some kind of natural aspect. The imagery I paint with natural metaphors is constant, the animals, just like you and I, the plants, and all other living things. I planted these seeds in my mind, unknowingly at the time, where I now feel the deep dark green jungle pressing at the inner walls of my skull. It's all that I want to consume my mind. There's so much to learn. The magic of nature, and it's infinite wisdom. It's as if I have been on this path all along, and I didn't even know what I was doing, yet my body and mind were passively taking care of me. Giving me and eventually showing exactly what I want, and wanted to become. I have every moment, every instance of suffering, and every epiphany to be thankful for. Soon, I'll be at peace from the raging storm.
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⚠️ Warning Below This is the story of a little girl who learned to grow in the silence-like a wildflower blooming through cracks in concrete. She lived in a house of shadows, where the walls whispered violence, and silence became her shield. Her days were shaped by what was unspoken-by hands that harmed, by trust that fractured, by love that came laced with pain. But even in that stillness, something stirred. Instead of drowning in the quiet, she began to listen-to the words of others who had walked through similar storms. Their stories were not just stories. They were maps, mirrors, and lifelines. Through their truths, she began to uncover her own. Now, she turns inward and outward, breaking her own silence-not with a scream, but with a steady voice that has waited a lifetime to be heard. This book is not just about trauma. It is about the bones of a broken girl who built a life from what was left behind. It's about grief, and the ghosts of family. About the way innocence can be stolen, yet spirit still survives. It's about the quiet power of letting go. But above all-it's about freedom. The kind you find not by fighting, but by finally releasing what was never yours to carry. And if even one soul finds a piece of themselves in these pages, then her voice, at last, has done what silence could not. ⚠️WARNING Author's Note & Content Warning: This is a deeply personal and emotional story that touches on domestic violence and childhood sexual abuse. While written to bring awareness, healing, and understanding, I recognise these topics may be distressing for some readers.
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I tried to end my life, i was alone. No one was here with me. I just wanted a friend. This is my diary, my only friend, the only thing that knows me inside and out. And this is my story.