Dead Short - DavidHailwood - Wattpad

Dead Short

Reads 170
Votes 8
Parts 11
Time 1h 10m

Reads 170
Votes 8
Parts 11
Time 1h 10m

afterlife cannibalism comedy death fairytale fantasy featured grapefruit horror humor narrativepoetry poetry satan scifi shipwrecked shortstory wattys2018 zombies

Death! Zombies! Cannibalism! Grapefruits!  This collection of darkly humorous short stories and narrative poems, from the co-writer of iBooks best selling book of lies and misinformation 'Not A Lot Of People Know That', has a little something for everyone (unless you happen to be a perfectly sane and well balanced individual).

In 'Death After Life', a lowly supermarket shelf stacker chokes to death on a peanut during a zombie outbreak, and is rather disappointed to learn he still has to go in to work the next day.

In 'Blue Murder', a shipwrecked Englishman learns there's only one thing worse than being stranded alone in the middle of the ocean, and that's being stranded in the middle of the ocean with a ravenous American.

In the deeply romantic love ballad 'Butt Ugly' a man attempts to come to terms with the fact that his girlfriend's not quite the looker she used to be, since she lost her face in an office shredder.

All this, and more!All Rights Reserved

afterlife cannibalism comedy death fairytale fantasy featured grapefruit horror humor narrativepoetry poetry satan scifi shipwrecked shortstory wattys2018 zombies

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11 parts

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The Gory Details (Gross) by Kate_Papilio

Between 2004 and 2008 I wrote a series of "Tips for Writers" for Nocturnal Ooze magazine vaguely about what would happen in real life if you did the things they do in movies but mostly about the gross out. I've always loved them and so have taken them out of mothballs for a new audience here on wattpad. They're all here except for #13 which seems to have vanished. I've also left them mostly intact except for a few very dated references that have been updated. I own the rights to the articles and Queen Mum of the Ooze, Kay Patterson has allowed me to keep the name "Gore Monger" (which she owns) provided I write: The Gore Monger appears courtesy of Nocturnal Ooze. If you enjoy these articles, please consider supporting me on Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/NogginBrain?fan_landing=true

DyverCity by Fabtabulous22

⚠️ Warning!!⚠️ ⚠️ Contains mature content such as smut, violence, language and drug use⚠️ Completed ^^^^^^^^^^^^^* " Bad things happen to everyone and good things do happen to some but when it comes to people like me only the worst things happen and the good things never last" " You could be a exception, you do have a good heart" " After the things I've done.. I'm no exception. Neither of us are" °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° Ranked #1 for Jocks 18+ recommended for explicit content. Criminals are everywhere, mobsters are in charge and no one is who they seem to be. After all the most beautiful places are always the most dangerous... ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Kaleb Amato quarterback and one of the kings of Ridgewood high. Arrogant, brilliant and destined for a great future. A good guy? He is not. Mia Langley a foul mouthed beauty with a temper and a psyche in shambles. Sweet and innocent? So far from it that's it's laughable. She returns home after two years at a hellish boot camp but has forgotten DyverCity number one rule- Don't be fooled by it's alluring beauty of the city. DyverCity is a venus flytrap and if you get stuck here.. you'll die here. Currently editing-

Condemned in Love by MesmerizingGold

I now understand the art of death. How it pounces on you when you least expect it, striking the life out of your loved ones. The worst part is the aftermath, what remains left behind. I was only ten when my eyes were scraped of their innocence as I watched my parents die with my own eyes, and yet I felt nothing, nothing but a sheet of numbness deep within my heart. Yet the worst wasnt over yet, no, the worst hadnt even begun. Oh the dangers that come with knowing a certain mysterious, startling, blue eyed boy, while being tossed into the foreboding past of my parents death. Despite the fact, little did I know the truth comes out one way or another just as fate has a cruel way of revealing ones hidden agendas. They say encountering a death is just a part of growing up. I'm not sure that it helps, but everyone experiences it eventually, everyone is brought face to face with what a monstrous thing life is...I suppose it is the beginning of wisdom.

The Walking Dead | BP X BTS FF by cvvnxi

Who knew life would change in just seconds. They were just normal people living their normal lives yesterday, but now they're fighting and killing zombies to survive, day by day! It's gonna be hard, but they got each other's backs. Will they survive ?? Find out in 'The Walking Dead' !! ------ Contains: - Violence - Strong Language - No Smut Involved. ⚠️: you'll have alot of mixed emotions while reading this so get ready... <currently editing> <fyi- more of liskook scenes than others>

Life = Death - volume 4 - Poems on Life , Death by nikhilparekh

This Book which has 50 differently titled Poems , is actually volume 4 of the Book titled - Life = Death - Poems on Life , Death ( 1200 pages ) . This enigmatic collection of poems explores and equates the boundless possibilities of life and death and delves into each intricate inexplicability of survival. Parekh's roving philosophical eye brings the unconquerable richness of life to the fore and yet at the same time explicitly highlights the veracity of 'death' as the absolute certainty of every existence. The poet joyously celebrates the occasions of both life and death with equal panache in each poetic stanza sewn with the uncanny mysteries of this Universe. The poems within immortalize both life and death as the ultimate victories and the two most contrastingly amazing and divine sides of creation. Catapulting the reader to the threshold of ultimate ecstasy; they bring about an impromptu twist with the closure of breath and what lies beyond. This charismatically woven collection of poetic verse would equally enamor the narcissist as well as the simple humanitarian to the core. This book is a humble attempt to enlighten the readers with the equality of life and death-and to live in both of them to the most unparalleled fullest. Embracing only the religion of humanity, as the Lord has commanded every living being on earth. You cant die in life and cant live in death-each of these components are irrefutably equal in every respect and should be worshipped with due obeisance.

Craig of the Dead by Its_Me_Tweek_Tweak

Hey, you! Yeah, you. Listen up, dude, because I don't have much time. Actually, I have a ton of time, I just don't feel like repeating myself. South Park is infested with zombies. Yeah, you heard me right. Shuffling around, undead, want to eat you zombies. I'm stuck as some kind of leader of a tiny crew of kids. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but everyone else seems to think I do, so I guess we're going with that. In a few days the whole town went from being kinda nuts to completely chaotic. Why do people think I'm a good leader? Why'd all the adults leave? Where's literally half of my grade, they can't all be dead, can they? Why are we not allowed to leave South Park? Do they want us die? How long can we keep on living like this? Most importantly, why couldn't I have just gone with Tweek to the stupid bathroom? Now he's M.I.A. and it's my fault. Anyway, I hope maybe you can find some pleasure in reading this. I mean, I would probably get bored, but whatever floats your boat, dude. Gotta run. Clyde's throwing another fit because someone ate his Hot Pocket (Spoiler Alert, it was me). See ya later, stranger. -Craig **NOTE: the story is not written as journal entries by Craig, I just thought it would be a fun little bit to put as the hook. Apologies if it is misleading.** **ALSO NOTE: the mature content warning is for language, and language only. Well, and I suppose gore and violence, but that depends on what you define as gore and violence**

Gentry's Chance by BrookeDittmar93

I'm excited for this one! As I'm watching her being laid to rest, it occurs to me that I know less about life than I do about death. She's gone, and I'm still here. If she wanted anything, she wanted me to live, but as long as I'm here, I'm not living. Life is fragile, or so I've heard. Ashes to ashes dust to dust. If I'm going to live at all starting over is a must. Some are gone, but some are still here. I need to get out of here to somewhere I can trust. I've got little too lose and much to gain. No matter what anyone thinks, I'm not to blame. So fuck it. What is the worst that could happen? I'm going to pack my bags and see what happens. It's completely worth taking my chances. ~ Anonymous ~

Goretober 2024 by namescape

HERE WERE GO AGAIN ROUND TWO MOTHERFCK But with Blueberror/Swap Bc what better way to love my favorite character than to rip out his soul!! ‼️MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING ‼️ ‼️THERE WILL BE CHARACTER DEATH‼️ ‼️AND SELF HARM ‼️ ‼️I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS CAME FROM BUT YES‼️ ‼️BE WARNED‼️ ⭐️ Also prof reading is dead in these challenges so grammar and proper word placement is not guaranteed I gotchu 👉👉👉 1. Cannibalism 2. Sharp objects 3. Asphyxiation 4. Gut spill 5. Amputation 6. Bugs 7. Accident 8. Beaten/bruised 9. Torture 10. Masochist 11. Slasher 12. Burns 13. Sliced 14. Eyes 15. Self-inflicted 16. Decomposing 17. Too much Blood 18. Candy Gore 19. Bones 20. Impaled 21. Holes 22. Surgery 23. Vivisection 24. Teeth 25. Body Horror 26. Nosebleed 27. Stitches 28. Blunt force trauma 29. Disease 30. Vomit 31. Aftermath Art by @thestrongestjewel on Tumblr Underswap belongs to Popcornpr1nce Blueberrror belongs to Loverofpiggies -{POSTED Oct 1, 2024}- -{FINISHED Oct 31, 2024}- Next year will probably Nightmare w/ or w/out his lackeys 🏅 #3 in Blueberror Oct31, 2024 🥇 #1 in Goretober(2024) Oct 31, 2024

The Yellow Room & Other Erotica by lynnbenet

Please enjoy my first erotic short story collection. It ranges from flash fiction to the novella sized title story "The Yellow Room". There's also ten naughty poems. Some of the stories are smut. It's safe to say, this is ONLY for a mature audience. Enjoy! The Beach is a short about an overly excited newly married couple. It's followed by a flash fiction of a sex dream. Then we have our title story, a novella about a marriage in trouble. Is seeking total sexual exploration the way to fix it? What is the "Yellow Room" and how does it change their lives? Next on tap is Poem Porn, then a curious letter about a lesbian encounter going into a new world where everything is changed for all involved. Another flash fiction is next. This time it's a cutesy tale with a more tamed description. That's followed by a novelette called Chopshophop (Dirty version - used with permission) with a chance encounter after a criminal couple rip off an innocent woman whose innocence soon ends. Afterwards we get a whole week of a wildly sensual story! The final story is a shorter novelette version of our title story, but from his point of view! Look for another Yellow Room book in 2025!

Sanscest Oneshots by helpme1m

This book mostly contains Nightkiller- 🤣 Just another random oneshot book about very gay magic skeletons and a bit of lazy writing and insane storylines that don't make sense. I'm not a professional and i have a life so I might not update as much. Very Sancest 🔥Our Menu🔥 - Nightkiller (ofc) - Cream - Errorink - Dustblue - Bloodlust - Afterdeath - Kustard (Yes, there is 🍋)

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Slide 1 of 10

The Gory Details (Gross) cover

DyverCity cover

Condemned in Love cover

The Walking Dead | BP X BTS FF cover

Life = Death - volume 4 - Poems on Life , Death cover

Craig of the Dead cover

Gentry's Chance cover

Goretober 2024 cover

The Yellow Room & Other Erotica cover

Sanscest Oneshots cover

The Gory Details (Gross)

Between 2004 and 2008 I wrote a series of "Tips for Writers" for Nocturnal Ooze magazine vaguely about what would happen in real life if you did the things they do in movies but mostly about the gross out. I've always loved them and so have taken them out of mothballs for a new audience here on wattpad. They're all here except for #13 which seems to have vanished. I've also left them mostly intact except for a few very dated references that have been updated. I own the rights to the articles and Queen Mum of the Ooze, Kay Patterson has allowed me to keep the name "Gore Monger" (which she owns) provided I write: The Gore Monger appears courtesy of Nocturnal Ooze. If you enjoy these articles, please consider supporting me on Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/NogginBrain?fan_landing=true