Dead Short - DavidHailwood - Wattpad

Story cover for Dead Short by DavidHailwood

Dead Short

Reads 174
Votes 8
Parts 11
Time 1h 10m

Reads 174
Votes 8
Parts 11
Time 1h 10m

afterlife cannibalism comedy death fairytale fantasy featured grapefruit horror humor narrativepoetry poetry satan scifi shipwrecked shortstory wattys2018 zombies

Death! Zombies! Cannibalism! Grapefruits!  This collection of darkly humorous short stories and narrative poems, from the co-writer of iBooks best selling book of lies and misinformation 'Not A Lot Of People Know That', has a little something for everyone (unless you happen to be a perfectly sane and well balanced individual).

In 'Death After Life', a lowly supermarket shelf stacker chokes to death on a peanut during a zombie outbreak, and is rather disappointed to learn he still has to go in to work the next day.

In 'Blue Murder', a shipwrecked Englishman learns there's only one thing worse than being stranded alone in the middle of the ocean, and that's being stranded in the middle of the ocean with a ravenous American.

In the deeply romantic love ballad 'Butt Ugly' a man attempts to come to terms with the fact that his girlfriend's not quite the looker she used to be, since she lost her face in an office shredder.

All this, and more!All Rights Reserved

afterlife cannibalism comedy death fairytale fantasy featured grapefruit horror humor narrativepoetry poetry satan scifi shipwrecked shortstory wattys2018 zombies

Table of contents

11 parts

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Eve by CesarVitale

-Featured Story -Wattys 2016 Winner Eve's a vegan zombie, and she really doesn't care what you think of it, so shush it. All she wants is to get by and find some pigeons or a fat rat - anything without a name she can eat before she starves to death in What's-Left-of-Los-Angeles, California. Because I don't care what you say, she's NOT eating humans. It's gross. Levon's weird and has a funny voice. Or maybe it just sounds funny when he hears it. Everyone's voice is funny when they hear it recorded, right? Anyway, he's like one of the only people who hasn't turned into a zombie since the outbreak, and even he has no idea how that happened. He thinks it's gross to eat people too. But he also thinks it's gross to eat pigeons and rats, so there's that. And now that they've found each other in the wasteland, Levon's plan is to carry Eve with him across the country to the army shelter in New York that totally exists and will save them both. Eve's plan is to keep her eyes from rolling into her skull every time Levon opens his mouth.

Blogs from the Bermuda Triangle by Brainsparks4U2

Blogs from the Bermuda Triangle, is a compilation of sometimes heart wrenching, fictitious, and almost always hilarious, blog postings, guaranteed to take you on an emotional roller-coaster ride, through the mind of an often naïve, and always funny, internet virgin. From Last Chance to Enlarge, to Love on a 54kModem, Blogs from the Bermuda Triangle will have you wetting your pants with laughter. An invaluable tool for navigating the internet ... -Bill Gates- (The Guy that hornswoggled Microsoft) Written in the style of Ted Nancy's "Letters from a Nut," (which sold over a gazillion copies.) Blogs from the Bermuda Triangle, leaves Nancy's letters in the dust, (because this author is twisted) while creating an internet nobody wants to travel alone. -Ted (you owe me a hundred-bucks for that endorsement) Nancy. Blogs from the Bermuda Triangle fires up an imaginary, internet search engine, where the hilariously, riotous results, are straight out of The Twilight Zone. -Rod Serling- Blogs from the Bermuda Triangle could replace anti-depressants, as a treatment for melancholy. -Sigmund Freud's ghost- Grab yourself a Martha Stewart blanket, and some popcorn, because Blogs from the Bermuda Triangle is about to take you on a laugh-filled adventure, through the eyes of one of America's funniest, and freshest, upcoming Authors. -Martha Stewart- Finally, an internet guide for adults, that shows them just what not to step in. I laughed until I died again. -Mark Twain-

Rascals by Stvp1d_Em0K1d

A story of a runaway heartbeat and the found family it dragged along. They move from place to place-half-lost, half-chosen-chasing quiet, hiding from the noise. It started with one girl trying to outrun the truth her family fed her, and grew into a mismatched group of escapees: her best friend, a boyfriend, two internet ghosts, and later, the ones who took the place of those who left. But people don't always stay. Sometimes they leave with a note. Sometimes they don't say anything at all. And sometimes... they come back. What happens when someone you loved left you for what they thought was your good-only to return when the damage's been done? What happens when grief makes room for someone new? And how do you know when the road you're running is finally home? --- Content Warning: •Themes of death, grief, abandonment •Found family & trauma bonding •Emotional and psychological triggers •Intimate/suggestive scenes (light smut)

Writing Scrapbook by kwexell82304

I gracefully raced down to the bulging rocks, stretching across the shore. Eva was waiting for me, her gorgeous brown hair waving in the harsh winds that made our noses numb, and our cheeks turned red as roses. We had been here together as sisters, stranded at this farm. We had been homeschooled, and never really met anybody else, so when our parents died five years ago, nobody had thought to check and see if we were ok. We were set on surviving, and running our small farm by the lake in Iceland. We owned a few cats, a coop of a dozen chickens, and a handful of pigs. They all stay caged up inside, because we're afraid some would walk out the barn and never return. Along with the livestock, we had a small brick shed with a blazing red roof. It used to be where Father worked on making tools and such, but Eva and I have turned it into a secondary little house. There's a loft we stuffed full of crispy, warm hay. When nights on the farm are late, we stay there. Besides, it feels more like home. The house gets cold at times, and nightmares come upon Eva and I. But curled up next to each other in the loft, although uncomfortable, makes the nightmares not strike as hard. This is a collection of short stories, poems, and other writing. It ranges from stories of abandoned girls in the past, to the horrible end of the world in the future, to haiku about a forest, and a poem about waves washing up on the surface. Join me in the 20+ part and 13000+ word collection, and you're in for a real treat, filled with happy poems, and tragedies that are sure to wrench your heart. I will hopefully continuously add to this as a sort of scrapbook for my writing.

The Yellow Room & Other Erotica by lynnbenet

Please enjoy my first erotic short story collection. It ranges from flash fiction to the novella sized title story "The Yellow Room". There's also ten naughty poems. Some of the stories are smut. It's safe to say, this is ONLY for a mature audience. Enjoy! The Beach is a short about an overly excited newly married couple. It's followed by a flash fiction of a sex dream. Then we have our title story, a novella about a marriage in trouble. Is seeking total sexual exploration the way to fix it? What is the "Yellow Room" and how does it change their lives? Next on tap is Poem Porn, then a curious letter about a lesbian encounter going into a new world where everything is changed for all involved. Another flash fiction is next. This time it's a cutesy tale with a more tamed description. That's followed by a novelette called Chopshophop (Dirty version - used with permission) with a chance encounter after a criminal couple rip off an innocent woman whose innocence soon ends. Afterwards we get a whole week of a wildly sensual story! The final story is a shorter novelette version of our title story, but from his point of view! Look for another Yellow Room book in 2025!

The Alpha Calls Me Kitten by self-absorbed

Highest Ranking: #1 in Werewolf Watty's 2015 Winner: Talk of the Town 11/23/15 "Literally the best werewolf book I've ever read." -@itsroma "*rereads 10,000,000,000 times and cries every time*" -@stilessparklez "#5thtimereader *I have to vote on all the chapters this time, that's how engrossed in the book I've become*" -@Forevertail "THIS BOOK SHALL BE IN MY LIBRARY FOREVER." -@team_breezyy ________________________________________ "What do you want?" He asked. I clapped my hands together and sighed. "To go home." His face instantly fell. He walked right into that one. "Well that sucks because you aren't going anywhere, kitten." I growled lowly at the nickname and crossed my arms. "Who says?" I argued. "I just did. Now stop acting like a brat and tell me what the hell you want to eat," he said frustrated. I rolled my eyes and turned around to exit the room. "Where the hell are you going?" He yelled at me. I stopped and turned around to look at him. "I don't want to have any food prepared by you. You're hands are probably just as dirty as your mouth. Watch your language," I stated simply and exited the kitchen. ________________________________________ © All Rights Reserved 2014

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Slide 1 of 9

Blogs from the Bermuda Triangle cover

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The Alpha Calls Me Kitten cover

Creative Writing Stories from a Fatal Dramatic Experience cover

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Eve

-Featured Story -Wattys 2016 Winner Eve's a vegan zombie, and she really doesn't care what you think of it, so shush it. All she wants is to get by and find some pigeons or a fat rat - anything without a name she can eat before she starves to death in What's-Left-of-Los-Angeles, California. Because I don't care what you say, she's NOT eating humans. It's gross. Levon's weird and has a funny voice. Or maybe it just sounds funny when he hears it. Everyone's voice is funny when they hear it recorded, right? Anyway, he's like one of the only people who hasn't turned into a zombie since the outbreak, and even he has no idea how that happened. He thinks it's gross to eat people too. But he also thinks it's gross to eat pigeons and rats, so there's that. And now that they've found each other in the wasteland, Levon's plan is to carry Eve with him across the country to the army shelter in New York that totally exists and will save them both. Eve's plan is to keep her eyes from rolling into her skull every time Levon opens his mouth.