Story cover for When I Thought He'd Never Smile by iwritesadpoems
When I Thought He'd Never Smile
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Ongoing, First published May 09, 2018
Everybody has a story. As for me, I am the typical train wreck. Misery chick. Emotional chaos. Undeniably stingy. I didn't care about the world nor did it cared for me- well, that's what I always think.

I am the complete opposite of music and energy and connection and life. Until him.

Language: Filipino, English
All Rights Reserved
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"'Di ba sabi mo ay wala ka pang nagiging boyfriend?" pagkuway tanong nito. "Wala pa nga." "Pero nagka crush ka man lang ba?" "Hmm. Oo. Pero ayaw ko kasing maging emotionally attached kaya as much as possible ay pinapatay ko na agad ang feelings ko. Kasi. Ewan. Hindi ko alam kung paano i-explain." ang complicated talaga kapag hindi mo masabi 'yung nais mong sabihin no? 'Yung parang ikaw lang mismo ang nakakaintindi. "Parang hindi ka naniniwala?" "Parang gano'n na nga. I mean, alam mo naniniwala naman talaga ako, it's just that, syempre sa mga kagaya ko parang ang imposible lang ng idea na 'yan especially when if comes to same sex relationship. Siguro para sa iba ay nagwo-work pero sa'kin ay-you know, hopeless ako riyan. Kaya kapag may nakikita akong mga same sex couples ay naiinggit ako tapos ang ending mag i-imagine ako ng mga bagay na mag c-cause ng ikasasakit ko ng feelings ko kasi 'di ba marerealize mo na hindi naman ito sa'yo mangyayari. Minsan din ay na i-insecure na lang ako. Tsaka mostly rin kasi ay puro sex lang ang habol nila. Ayoko naman no'n." mahaba kong salaysay. "Kaya pala." nasabi niya na lang. "Siguro dahil ito na rin ang naging coping mechanism ko para maprotektahan ko ang feelings ko sa mga bagay na makasasakit sa akin emotionally. Unconciously ay nadedevelop ko na. Kaya ang ending na suppress na lang. Kaysa naman mag suffer ako sa mga sarili ko lang namang pag-iisip which is not healthy, why not i-suppress ko na lang diba?" "Pero hindi mo ba naisip na it takes time to wait for the perfect moment and it will be worth it?" "Alam mo. Sa totoo lang, palagi ko 'yang naiisip. Talagang na o-overshadow lang ng realization ko na imposibleng mangyari." "Pero, heto ka ngayon. Susubukan mo nang magmahal sa kabila ng beliefs mo." aniya. "Kasi may tiwala ako sa'yo." napangiti ako sa kanya kaya napangiti rin siya.
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Growing up insecure, Aurora firmly believes she does not suit someone as perfect as Maxwell. But with him continuing to love her despite her insecurities and fears, will Aurora finally choose to let Maxwell in--or will she keep pushing him away even if it breaks her heart? *** Every love is unique. Every heartbreak is cliche. When I was young, I met a prince who told me I'm beautiful. Sabi niya, paglaki namin, liligawan niya 'ko. We grew up, but unfortunately, I had a reverse story of the ugly duckling. The prince continued to be a prince, while I became the unpretty duck that wouldn't become swan. Bumuhaghag ang buhok ko. Umitim ako. Natadtad ng taghiyawat. Sasabihin siguro ng iba, okay lang pumangit paglaki. Beauty is something that should shine from within. But that's not completely true. Kahit ga'no kaganda ang kalooban, laging huhusgahan ang hitsura. People judge with the eyes first-always. I learned that everyone desires to be interesting, but not different. There is a standard and everyone wants the same thing-beauty, recognition, intellect. I only wanted one thing-to stop dreaming for the prince. But he's Maxwell. When he's in my life, he pulls me into his magnetic field no matter how much I resist. When he's out of my sight, I miss him. Nagkaatraso ako sa kanya no'ng college. As fate would have it, we are going to see each other. Again.