Is Happy Really, True?
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I am happy, I am very happy,
Now, do you see how easy it is to say that line?
Happy? My happy is seeing my friends at the same store I am.
Happy is seeing myself get out of bed.
Happy is getting hungry,
Happy is keeping everyone else happy, Happy for me is not what it is for you.
Why?
Because I am not happy,
It is easier to just say I am,
It is easier to just say I am feeling a feeling that I am not,
To just get the screaming, pulling, and the painful question that echoes in my head over is easier than facing the real answer.
Why?
An old friend as old as my life, whose name is more underestimated than a woman in the military,
Anxiety holds me a hostage inside of my body,
inside of my head,
Now, that "friend" isn't really a friend of mine,
Anxiety is the cousin visiting from out of town that fear and loneliness felt just fine to invite to the party,
But I am the party, and trust me, I am a party I don't want to attend,
I try to make plans, I try to go to a real party,
But the fear of rejection makes me feel better to just stay home and sleep,
After all,
Rejection is the teacher that will get off my back,
The parent that demands I do as I am told,
My travel guide who demands to go the safest route to get home,
Rejection scares me, everything, scares me,
But I am strong, I have more strength then I let on,
I go through fear that tends leads me to thoughts that I cannot go down,
I cannot go with them because when I do,
Hurt joins my party,
Now ya see,
After those thoughts come and hurt has joined,
I lose my thoughts altogether,
Now hurt is the Know-it-all friend,
Hurt visits my family,
Telling them my mistakes,
Hurt finds my friends,
Leaving them to think about leaving me,
Hurt has a way of finding me,
Leaving me with nothing but a ruined home from a party that I didn't even want to have.
So when someone says that they are happy,
Look at how they act,
Because just happy,
Doesn't mean happy.
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