Follow the Animals

Follow the Animals

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    LECTURES 21
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    Chapitres 5
WpMetadataReadEn cours d'écriture10m
WpMetadataNoticeDernière publication lun., mai 28, 2018
My feet pound on the pavement. My head blurs with voices. My eyes see nothing that passes. Do you feel this way when someone that was your one and only, that you loved so, so much that no one could possibly love anybody more just vanishes off the face of the Earth? If that hasn't happened to you, consider yourself lucky that you are not a fourteen-year-old girl living in Cape Elizabeth, Maine with nowhere to go or no one to turn to for help. It's not like anybody would befriend a weird, average girl like me. I have no distant relatives. All of them died off just like parents and now this person. They just had to. With my luck, a tornado is going to hit my town and sweep me off my feet to who knows where. I stop all of a sudden from my running rage, grief growing inside of me like weeds. Weeds just grow and grow until someone comes along and cuts them down, but doesn't pull out the roots. So they grow back until someone with actual brains inside their heads comes and tears out the weeds and their roots. But no one in this entire universe can rip out this root of grief inside of me. I sit down on the sidewalk, people walking all around me, and pour my tears onto the street. All around me suddenly gets quiet and I smother myself into it, wrapping me into it like a baby in a blanket. I realize now that I didn't even get to say goodbye to this person. I wasn't even home when it happened. But she did leave me a note, which lead me to think this death was planned, but I couldn't possibly be sure. All the note said was, Follow the animals.
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I wanted to tell him that I knew his favorite book, and his coffee order, and the way he clicked his pen when he was deep in thought. I wanted to tell him I knew that he sleeps on the right side of the bed and eats on the left side of the table. I wanted to tell him that I knew his worries, dreams and fears. I wanted to tell him that I knew he loved me too. I wanted to see his laugh, and know that I was the reason. I wanted to make him smile, just to see those dimples that lay heavenly on his face. I wanted his eyes to light up in joy- I wanted to see him happy. I wanted to tell him that I prided myself in the fact that I had memorized all the freckles on his skin, how his freckles birthmarks created their own galaxies of planets and stars. I wanted to tell him I would be there for him, on the bad days too. I wanted to tell him he could call be at 3:46 in the morning and just complain, I'd completely understand. I wanted to tell him that he had completely beguiled me; that he was my entire world. I wanted to tell him that I love him more than anything I had ever known. I wanted to run to him, to hug him. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and never let me go. I wanted to never leave him. I wanted to rule by his side, as his Luna. Instead, I just turned my back in order to not let anyone see my tears. I walked away from the love of my life, for what? For fate? For destiny? Or for some foolish trick that I was walking myself into? No matter the reason, I walked away from him with tears in my eyes and sorrow in my heart. I never wanted to walk away again. He was my mate and all I wanted was him.

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