The Deafening Silence

I can't feel anything

I'm shallow and broken... incomplete.
people observed and judged-criticized me.
I am a freak who could not feel remorse
no happiness.
never was sad.
never angry.
It felt...nothing.

I was nothing.

when I was just a kid
the children my age...they treat me
differently.
it wasn't... appropriate.

upon on what I've observed
picking on your hair,pushing you on the mud
knocking off your books and call you inappropriate names
isn't how you treat your friends or even anyone.

as I grow older
I learned that if I wanted to be treated properly,
I have to pretend to be normal.

So I act the way they do.
I practiced smiling in front of the mirror.
I pretend to have hobbies.
makes friends-socialize.
I pretend to care when tragedy strikes.
I pretend to be angry.
I pretend to be happy.
I pretend to be
sad.

it was satisfying all because the bullying stopped.

but there wasnt anything I felt.

nothing.

no matter how extreme.
I could not feel remorse.

nothing...just nothing.

my mother once told me that she used to be like me when she was my age.
she said... I would find that someone who will make me feel complete.
someone that special is hard to find.

just like my Dad she said.
I didn't searched.
I just lived throughout my life with every move I'm faking.
I was somehow...kind of... bored.
with my fake everyday life.
what's the use of living if I can't even feel?
there's nothing that could help me. nothing.
just like me.
there is no special someone who's gonna fix me.
he doesn't exist...

until I moved to akademi high.
I felt it.

I feel it.

he's here.

I just have to find him.

yet he found me.

.THE DEAFENING SILENCE.