Bittersweet Self-Love Affair

So what is this? This sudden need to be fulfilled by something greater... greater than just water. The need was called by a simple, uncomplicated name: hunger. A great hunger for―and as luck would have it―food.

Unfortunately, it's not just regular food I'm after. I'm after food for the soul, a greater purpose. I'm looking for myself in a sea of self-doubt, self-hate, and low self-esteem.

I wish I didn't need people for empowerment; validation. However, isn't that human nature, to seek validation? From parents, from friends, lovers? The uncomfortable truth is people need people. So that translates into I need people. I need people to love me, to need me, to want me. Most of all I need people to engage with me, talk to me, make me feel loved, valued, and desired. That's my truth, not liking the fact that in order for me to survive in this world I need people, not just because of survival but because I want to be someone's world. Someone they could never imagine hurting.

Isn't that what everyone wants? To never be hurt by those they love and trust? Perhaps my words are only seen by blind eyes, only heard by deaf ears.

This isn't a story, or a book. This is a journal that represents my fears, hopes, and needs as a human.