I Became Conscious

Three years ago, I made a decision to move across the country to live with my brother. I was unhappy with the life I was living and knew there was a better way for me. I camped in State and National Parks while I drove from Wisconsin to California, alone, backpacking through the wilderness in an attempt to get to know more about myself and this planet we call home. I arrived at my brothers house with an enthusiasm for life that I had not known since I was a child. My entire state of consciousness changed. For most of my adult life, up until recently, I experienced depression. I frequently numbed myself with alcohol and occasionally with drugs. I knew it wasn't good for me, but I didn't know how else to relieve the pain. During my road trip and the following months, I finally started doing the things I have always wanted to do. This was what was depressing me. I was unable to express myself in the ways I needed to. I was ashamed of things I had done in my past that I considered mistakes and regrets. I have learned that keeping these things locked up inside creates pain in the physical body and torment in the mind. I have also learned that my vulnerability has allowed other people to share things with me that they otherwise might not have. I have written this story as an expression of myself, with the goal of creating a comfortable space for others to share their experiences and heal themselves.