Suicide Loss

I lost a very good friend to suicide, October 10th, 2017. In this good friend, I saw a lot of potential. More potential then I had ever seen in myself or anyone else. He spoke a few different languages, was a Pre-Med. He wanted to be a neurologist to "save lives," so many dreams lost at the age of 19.

His home life was pretty great. Arguments between mother and teenage son, all normal & often in households. I never heard him complain that much about his home life unless it was something tiny .. like that he was forced to get off his video games for an hour one night and he got upset. An "out of the ordinary" kind of upset. Like he was so mad that he couldn't play the game, that he would much rather not be alive. One of many times I had talked him down from his rages.

Devin Coleburn Ousley. I called him Coleburn, everyone else called him Cole. Not much to say about what everyone else thought, except that he was charming to look at & it seemed like he didn't have an "uncool" bone in his body. Always dressed sharp, never underdressed.. always overdressed. This is another thing that confused me so profusely over his death.. anyone would've been lucky to be with him, and he knew that.

I had struggled with depression.. but not severe. Honestly, I may be overusing the word "depressed" when I speak on terms before his death. But starting October 11th @ 6:40am, I hit rock bottom. All of us, his friends & family, knowing his potential & his worth, could not understand it. We all knew & I guess we just assumed he knew it too.. instead of assuming he didn't, which might've saved his life.

With all of this hurt, I slowly became a better person & although I still hurt for him.. I know I can't blame myself anymore.

If you need help or are struggling with yourself, please contact the Suicide Prevention Line.

1-800-213-TALK || Or contact me, 910-992-0954
I will do anything I can to prevent another Cole. I will do anything I can to prevent another loss.