✖He's Not Mine [An Utterly Ridiculous Dramione Baby Story . . . Sort-of]

In an increasingly odd AU where Harry Hero-Complex Potter succeeds in saving the life of Severus Snape, where Percy Too-Serious Weasley makes his brother laugh and saves his life in less than ten words, where Hermione BOOKS!!!! Granger succeeds in dragging everyone back to Hogwarts, where Draco Prissy-Princess Malfoy learns some manners before he hits twenty, where Lavender BOYS!!! Brown is rescued by Hermione in time, where Ron FOOD!!! Weasley learns to accept that some things are just meant to be and some things aren't (I could go on forever but anyway) something must go wrong.

But fear not!

Because no one we like dies . . . I should hope. Just a small mishap in the potions classroom . . . you already know the story, don't you?

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please note that I try very hard to be humorous instead of insulting but please bear with me. We're all learning after all, right?

****NOTICE****
This is the original draft of the work published on AO3, under the same title and username. The AO3 version has been edited and condensed into fewer chapters.
THIS VERSION IS UNEDITED

15/06/18 -- 09/08/18