Story cover for Is It A Really Toxic Relationship?  by Khylamarie_
Is It A Really Toxic Relationship?
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Ongoing, First published Jul 20, 2018
"Kahit kailan hindi ko binalak na magkaroon ng anak sayo" Bungad na chat niya sa'kin sa messenger,  agad na naginit ang ulo ko at nireplayan ang sinabi niya

"akala mo ba binalak ko rin?  Hindi ko pinangarap o binalak na mabuntis mo ko at magkaroonng anak na ikaw ang ama!! " sa sobrang galit ko ay napaluha nalang ako sa nangyari saming dalawa.  

bakit ba nangyayari to sakin? ano bang nagawa kong mali sa past life ko at ganito sinusukli sakin?  Tangina tadhana?  laruan mo ba ko? pagod na pagod na ko. 

"alam mo, toxic na talaga kasi ng relasyon niyo pero pinagpatuloy mo parin.  pinatagal mo pa kaya ayan, Sana hindi mo nalang siya hinabol habol kasi naiisip niya na hindi mo kayng mawala siya na kahit anong pangiiwan niya sayo eh hahabol at hahabol ka sa kanya kaya confident siyang iwan ka." bilib talaga ako sa mga taong kahit NBSB eh alam kung paano magaadvice, parang may mas experience pa sila kesa sa mga may karelasyon.  pero tama rin naman siya.  

"Kala ko kasi worth it kung hindi ko bibitawan dahil paulit ulit rin naman siyang bumabalik sakin"

"Ayun na nga eh.  hindi nga siya worth it una palang. childhood friend natin yan at naging kaibigan ko siya.  hindi siya nagbago.  gusto niya paring palagi siyang tama.  pinglalaban niya kahit mali naman. " natahimik nalang ako at nagscroll sa fb ko tulad ng lagi kong ginagawa....
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Umpisa pa lang alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi mo naman susuklian ang pagmamahal na nararamdaman ko para sa'yo. Una pa lang alam ko ng kapatid lang ang tingin mo sa akin habang sa kaniya tingin mo ay magiging asawa at maging nanay ng mga anak mo. Alam ko. Sa umpisa pa lang alam na alam ko. Pero kahit totoong alam ko sa sarili ko ang bagay na 'yan. Mas pinili kong magbulagbulagan kasi akala ko makikita mo din ako, hindi bilang kaibigan o kapatid kundi bilang isang babae. Akala ko sa paglipas ng panahon ay matututunan mo din akong mahalin at piliin kahit pa iniwan ka niya. Akala ko mapapalitan ko siya sa puso mo. Ngunit sa paglipas ng panahon. Mas lalong maging malinaw ang lahat. Naging sobrang linaw na hindi na kayang maging bulag bulagan. Hindi ko maiwasang mag tanong kung anong mali sa sarili ko. Ako naman yung nandito sa tabi mo pero bakit hindi ako? Bakit kahit wala na siya ay kalaban ko pa din siya diyan sa puso mo? Bakit kahit wala na siya ay kahati ko pa din siya sa diyan sa atensyon mo? Bakit... Bakit hinihintay mo pa din siyang bumalik sa'yo?