Heartbreaker (Don't watch me cry)

"There are matters of words I want to say to you but I can't seem to find any..I'm not okay...I feel guilty ..I feel like it's written all over me . I feel like I'm holding onto something I don't need....but I can't seem to point it out ...your what I've always found a dream that's far from being a reality .....I'm broken...I'm just too broken for you Bruno!... I feel like I'm slipping away...we're you even there ? ...I tell myself love you...because I truly care....I tell myself I need you but is that really fair .....I thought I loved you in the moment . I use to say our love is just a game but in the mind as dysfunctional as mine that could go both ways....I thought I held you down when you were suffering but it seems to me that I was just suffocating....I feel like I was never there in the bit s and pieces of this relation that were suppose to be my biggest memories and it's all because of you...Why? ..it won't matter.,it never does...not to me ...., we found each other...you gave me comfort but my mistake was letting you fall for me , I just wasted your time....you took your time ...a very long time ...but I don't belong to you ...I never will..

Who am I ...breathing wasn't my reason to live..but now I don't have you.. I've never actually had anything in life..I wish I was more outspoken but words Are always out of reach for me....saying I'm grateful to you would be an understatement to what I feel towards your presence in my shattered life. " My Dear Melancholy"....was the name you called me when you felt me slipping through your fingers.. when you felt depressed.. when you dreaded those eyes..I shall never forget that name..if I keep going , I won't make it . You don't deserve an apology ..that would just be insulting you, I really loathe saying sorry , there's got to be another way, but I know your hurt regardless..but I'm trying to take away the pain, but there's a lot of shit you can't ignore.