what am i doing here?

my head hurts- it hurts almost everyday
the way i think,
the way i move,
the way i breathe,
and how i even talk.
all of it just hurts when you feel as if youre drowning.
whats the point in trying when you know youd be better off dead.
maybe she could show me how to breathe again?
or maybe he could show me?
or...
or am i meant to be alone forever while they both watch me destroy my lungs and carve out my fears using the only comfort i know while i have a shower to wash every pain of that day down the drain.
but who cares, right?
i have no purpose here.