Lovely || Demi Lovato

Lovely || Demi Lovato

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WpMetadataReadMatureComplete Sat, Feb 2, 20191h 38m
He always assumes I want money. That money can replace my desire for a mother, for a female figure who will guide me through the darkness. All he can provide is money. He assumes that because I use the money, that I'm happy, that I don't spend night hunched over my toilet bowl physically sick to my stomach with the guilt of killing my mother. He assumes that because I have friends, that the smile on my face is genuine. That because I smile and confidently stride out of my room in a bikini, that I love myself and the way I look. He assumes everything about me, because he doesn't know me. I'm his daughter, and with the simple fact, he assumes that by just looking at me he knows my every thought. Does he know of the blood I spill when I have no other method of coping? Does he know of the times I sit and ponder about what it would be like to go through death? Does he know that when he leaves for work, I cry myself to sleep and wish for a mother? Does he know that I could care less about him? I hate him. But he loves me. Does he know, that through all this mess, I just want a mother. Because according to Disney, mother knows best?
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You used to be stronger than this. You used to thrive off being alone. You promised you would never let yourself depend on another human ever again. You're supposed to be a strong and independent woman who only relies on herself because that's the only person she can trust. What happened to you? Jackson. Jackson happened to me. Jackson begged me to let him take care of me. Jackson snuck in when I wasn't looking and found himself a home in this fucked up brain of mine. He set up camp among my thoughts and now he refuses to leave. He tangled himself in my synapses. He weaved his way into every aspect of my being. And now not a single part of me exists without some part of him in it. I have become the woman I promised myself that I would never be. I have become the woman who can't go one day without her husband's hands on her body. I have become the woman who looks for him in every room she enters, even if she knows he won't be there. I have become the woman who relies on her husband to be her barometer for all situations. I have become the woman who craves- no, needs her husband's approval in every endeavor that she encounters. I have become a woman I hate, a woman I used to make fun of, a woman who is useless without her husband. I broke my rules for him. - - - The usual strong, put-together, badass Jet is nowhere to be found right now. No. This is angry. This is hurt. This is desperate. This is crimson blood dripping from the blade of the dagger she used to kill the happy little kid in her. That's the thing about Jet. She wears strength and darkness equally well. She always has. It's like she's half goddess and half Hell. Half angel and half demon. She gave me peace in a lifetime of war. She's madness sipping chaos from a cup, and, fuck, does she make it look good. You think she's a delicate flower that you could step all over? You think you can break her soul that easily? Ha. You couldn't be any more wrong. She's wildfire and she will devour you whole.

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