Running With Scissors - Sam Camp - Wattpad

Running With Scissors

Reads 292,191
Votes 17,791
Parts 42
Time 9h 17m

Reads 292,191
Votes 17,791
Parts 42
Time 9h 17m

absurdist action adult adventure cancer comedy contemporary dark darkhumor friendship hitman humor legal suspense texttospeech thriller

Diagnosed with a terminal illness, Peter Katz hires a hitman to take him out. But when a cure is discovered, Peter's got to outrun the assassin to stay alive!

*****

When douchebag lawyer Peter Katz gets diagnosed with terminal cancer, he wants to die painlessly. Still, death seems to elude his every attempt, so he hires an assassin to kill him at a random time and place within the month. Unfortunately for Peter, right after he orders the hit, a treatment is discovered that would add decades to his life. Now Peter Katz has to start running, until the month-long deadline ends. Desperate to survive, he has to deal with tall-dwarves, unionized suicide workers, art terrorism and all the insanity that being alive has to offer. Will he make it to the end of the month? Or will Peter Katz live a life's worth of craziness in however many days he has left?

For what is Comedy, but Tragedy + Time?

[[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]]All Rights Reserved

absurdist action adult adventure cancer comedy contemporary dark darkhumor friendship hitman humor legal suspense texttospeech thriller

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42 parts

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And Here's To Nowhere by BroganEastwood

A short comedy about the death of an old man who doesn't belong anywhere. He' meets some friends and has some adventures, but what happens if things get too out of hand! Well he dose have forever. Just to be sure I don't believe in religion. I don't think there's anything after death. Well you can't feel emotion because they come from your brain, sorry I probably just made my one reader suicidal. Sorry Dan One other thing why does everyone just read the last chapters and skip the middle ones, I fell like I have no fillers and the zoo trip is a parody of a story Spring Valley Academy, with a spin-off which I'm crossing over with.

Afterlife: Oblivion #Wattys2024 by astronomist

You die. Game over? Not quite. Welcome to the Afterlife Crucible. Every millennium, lost souls battle for a second shot at life. Forget everything you thought you knew about the afterlife. It's not pearly gates and harps - it's a ruthless gauntlet dreamed up by bored gods with a sick sense of humour. Your regrets become weapons, your sins are armour, and your secrets? Just ammo for your rivals. This is a no-holds-barred war where only the most devious spirits get to breathe again. You'll face nightmares that make Hell look like Disneyland, and opponents who'd sell their own mothers for a chance to win. Ready to fight for your life... after death? I sure as hell wasn't. There I was, barely keeping my head above water, when some prick decided to punch my ticket early. But let's face it - my chances of winning are slimmer than my ex's conscience. Who am I? Jane Doe. Just another dead girl in a sea of corpses... a junkie, a fuckup, a waste of oxygen. Or so I thought...

The Doctor's Assistant by AtlasPyro

Have you ever felt so unimaginably lonely? Ever wanted to end your life because things have gotten so unbelievably horrible? Parents misunderstanding you? Pressure too much amongst your daily stresses? Do not fret, just walk to the back alley behind Maple View Memorial Hospital. Walk down the creaking metal steps, knock a few times on the wooden door and the doctor will handle the rest. These were some of the things Elliot heard being whispered at the weekly depression seminars. They were dying for a way out, a way out of life. A way that didn't involve hanging in the kitchen before the movers showed up. With mom and dad dead from a car crash a few weeks prior, and zero friends to acknowledge their absence, Elliot decides to visit the doctor. But is it more than what they bargained for?

Identity by mazecatt

Within only an hour, it felt like his world stopped spinning. His life collapsed. He gets the opportunity for a second chance, but will it be worth all the trouble? Extended summary inside. This is a prequel to Permanent, but you can read them in either order! Permanent is already published (and completed) on my profile. Updates every Sunday! Start date - 8/28/22 End date - 11/20/22 TW - Abuse, suicide, bullying, violence, injuries/blood, (brief) language, and (brief) panic/anxiety attacks I won't be posting TW's at the beginning of each chapter. This is it. Disclaimer - Most of the characters and settings belong to Marvel.

Man Of Few Words by GavinMackenzie

One man's painful yet funny search for meaning in a life about to be cut short. Cancer has made David Alexander's whole existence suddenly seem worthless. But is it?

Athanasius Finch: Private Dick | ONC 2020 by Sam_le_fou

Beatrix Cagliostro, a starving Doctor in Letters, is hired as a Ghostwriter by Athanasius Finch, an eccentric and megalomaniac P.I, and together they will solve the biggest mystery there is: how to pay rent and not die trying. ***** Beatrix Cagliostro(pen name) thought she had hit rock bottom as a starving artist in New York with an art degree that only qualified her to be a Subway's Sandwich Artist®, but when she finds an Ad for a live-in ghostwriter/sidekick, she jumps at the opportunity. What she couldn't predict was that her new employer, the self-proclaimed "World's Third Best Detective" Athanasius Finch, would flip her world upside-down as he peels back the fat upperbelly of New York's society in a conspiracy involving evil personal care products, secret American royalty, and oddly watery Clamato. But the biggest mystery of all, one that will take their whole, undivided attention, is how to make it to next month without starving in the process. ***** My entry for the #OpenNovellaContest using prompt #58 "If we are assigning blame, then this is your fault for leaving me alone with explosives in the first place."

The Godmother by Tony_Stank1995

"𝐎𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐝𝐨, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐛 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮", 𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝. "𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐣𝐨𝐛 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥, 𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞. 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐈'𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐚, 𝐈 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐭. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐈'𝐦 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐣𝐨𝐛 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐧𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈'𝐦 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭" **** Meet Agent Rochelle Romano 3 words: FBI, undercover, mafia She tackles her potential threats with an iron determination aided by sarcastic commentary. A manipulation expert and a sharp shooter. But when it all comes down to skin and bone, she picks out a small inconsistency in her picture perfect world. A tiny prick of a pin that shattered her entire perspective. Watch her as she tries to forage figments of her past and deal with the present to fix the future, all while giving you giggling fits. With her abandoned heart fixed by the love of a man, she was desperate to pick up the pieces and build an empire out of ruins. She becomes what they call, 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙂𝙤𝙙𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 *** Undergoing editing

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Spider-Man: Web Of Lies by KRAFTMAXNCHESE

At 15, Peter Parker faces a harsh awakening after the tragic death of his uncle, realizing the weight of the responsibilities that come with his newfound powers. Balancing the challenges of high school, a mysterious new girl, and the shocking transformation of his mentor into a dangerous giant lizard, Peter must confront threats to his city and his life. Will he rise above it all and become the Spectacular Spider-Man? ~~~~~~ "Ever feel like the universe has a twisted sense of humor? Yeah, that's pretty much my life. I'm Peter Parker. Six months ago, a radioactive spider decided to make me its personal science experiment. Overnight, I went from awkward teen to... well, awkward teen with superpowers. At first, I thought that bite was the moment everything changed. I was wrong." ~~~~~~

For The Next Thirty Seconds ✓ by lanaisadumbass

**editing ((: "How many sets of thirty seconds are in a day?" "My rough estimate?" "Sure." "About three thousand." "Oh." "Yeah." • 19 year-old Jack's life has been one traumatic event after the next. So, being diagnosed with small cell lung cancer was just icing on the cake. With a survival rate of 14 percent and a life expectancy of 4 months, Jack does all he knows how to do: he runs. 18 year-old Lane's life has just been turned upside down. After finding out her sister's engaged to her childhood best friend, she doesn't think it could get any worse... until she finds out her happily-married parents of 24 years are getting a divorce. She can't stand even being in the same room as one of her family members, so she does something she's never done before: she runs. The Big Apple has never seemed so small. At least, not to Jack and Lane, not when they were next to each other. Nothing seemed too big. Side by side, they could conquer the world. They could fly. But, if the world decides to fight back, whose to say they won't fall, instead? 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴.

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Slide 1 of 10

And Here's To Nowhere cover

Afterlife: Oblivion #Wattys2024 cover

The Doctor's Assistant cover

Man Of Few Words cover

Athanasius Finch: Private Dick | ONC 2020 cover

The Godmother cover

Blindsided By The Boss cover

Spider-Man: Web Of Lies cover

For The Next Thirty Seconds ✓ cover

And Here's To Nowhere

A short comedy about the death of an old man who doesn't belong anywhere. He' meets some friends and has some adventures, but what happens if things get too out of hand! Well he dose have forever. Just to be sure I don't believe in religion. I don't think there's anything after death. Well you can't feel emotion because they come from your brain, sorry I probably just made my one reader suicidal. Sorry Dan One other thing why does everyone just read the last chapters and skip the middle ones, I fell like I have no fillers and the zoo trip is a parody of a story Spring Valley Academy, with a spin-off which I'm crossing over with.