Running With Scissors - Sam Camp - Wattpad

Running With Scissors

Reads 293,767
Votes 17,871
Parts 42
Time 9h 17m

Reads 293,767
Votes 17,871
Parts 42
Time 9h 17m

absurdist action adult adventure cancer comedy contemporary dark darkhumor friendship hitman humor legal suspense texttospeech thriller

Diagnosed with a terminal illness, Peter Katz hires a hitman to take him out. But when a cure is discovered, Peter's got to outrun the assassin to stay alive!

*****

When douchebag lawyer Peter Katz gets diagnosed with terminal cancer, he wants to die painlessly. Still, death seems to elude his every attempt, so he hires an assassin to kill him at a random time and place within the month. Unfortunately for Peter, right after he orders the hit, a treatment is discovered that would add decades to his life. Now Peter Katz has to start running, until the month-long deadline ends. Desperate to survive, he has to deal with tall-dwarves, unionized suicide workers, art terrorism and all the insanity that being alive has to offer. Will he make it to the end of the month? Or will Peter Katz live a life's worth of craziness in however many days he has left?

For what is Comedy, but Tragedy + Time?

[[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]]All Rights Reserved

absurdist action adult adventure cancer comedy contemporary dark darkhumor friendship hitman humor legal suspense texttospeech thriller

Table of contents

42 parts

Sign up to add Running With Scissors to your library and receive updates

or

Content Guidelines

You may also like

For The Next Thirty Seconds ✓ by lanaisadumbass

**editing ((: "How many sets of thirty seconds are in a day?" "My rough estimate?" "Sure." "About three thousand." "Oh." "Yeah." • 19 year-old Jack's life has been one traumatic event after the next. So, being diagnosed with small cell lung cancer was just icing on the cake. With a survival rate of 14 percent and a life expectancy of 4 months, Jack does all he knows how to do: he runs. 18 year-old Lane's life has just been turned upside down. After finding out her sister's engaged to her childhood best friend, she doesn't think it could get any worse... until she finds out her happily-married parents of 24 years are getting a divorce. She can't stand even being in the same room as one of her family members, so she does something she's never done before: she runs. The Big Apple has never seemed so small. At least, not to Jack and Lane, not when they were next to each other. Nothing seemed too big. Side by side, they could conquer the world. They could fly. But, if the world decides to fight back, whose to say they won't fall, instead? 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴.

Spider-Man: Web Of Lies by KRAFTMAXNCHESE

At 15, Peter Parker faces a harsh awakening after the tragic death of his uncle, realizing the weight of the responsibilities that come with his newfound powers. Balancing the challenges of high school, a mysterious new girl, and the shocking transformation of his mentor into a dangerous giant lizard, Peter must confront threats to his city and his life. Will he rise above it all and become the Spectacular Spider-Man? ~~~~~~ "Ever feel like the universe has a twisted sense of humor? Yeah, that's pretty much my life. I'm Peter Parker. Six months ago, a radioactive spider decided to make me its personal science experiment. Overnight, I went from awkward teen to... well, awkward teen with superpowers. At first, I thought that bite was the moment everything changed. I was wrong." ~~~~~~

Albatross by Vapid_Ink

Elliot's partner was his whole world, but after Allan's death, his ghost haunts Elliot's dreams. Everyone tells Elliot to move on, but he isn't sure he can. ***** It's been a year since the love of Elliot's life, Allan, passed away. Everyone thinks he should have recovered after that much time, but Allan still haunts Elliot every night. He struggles to maintain relationships with his family, and despite a coworkers interest he can't summon up the courage to date. Elliot is living for the past, because to live for the present means he'll have to live with a hole in his heart. But the question Elliot has to face chases him through his monotonous days: is mourning Allan with everything he has truly living? [[word count: 40,000-50,000 words]]

Blindsided By The Boss by JeniRaeD

Enemies-to-lovers * Bickering/bantering Boss/employee * Romantic comedy with a HEA He says I'm a hemorrhoid and a massive dark cloud without a silver lining. I consider him a bosshole and heartless prick--because that's what he is and more. I've never met my boss. He works only through emails. I was two months in at my new job, when I had to fly to Florida to bury my grandmother. The night of her funeral, an overly hot man approached me while I was in the middle of trying to meet a deadline, wondering if I'd be interested in having a wild night with him. It had been a couple years since I Iast been with a man. I was pissed at my boss, and he was good looking, so I accepted his offer. Next, I emailed my boss telling him I wasn't making the deadline because I was going to get laid. And I did... lots of it. The next morning he was gone. Months later, I run into my boss--in the dark--on masquerade night at a sex club. Let's just say we had an interesting moment. After that I wanted to kill him more than I already wanted to. Weeks later. I had the shock of my life when we met face to face at my best friends wedding. Callum's a one-and-done type of guy. And I wasn't looking for love either. But our friends had other plans for us. They thought we were the perfect match and did all they could to set us up. Will us two stubborn hotheads see we're meant to be? Credit for cover: https://selfpubbookcovers.com/RLSather

The Beast by xwriteratheartxo

HANNAH I've spent my entire twenty-one years on this earth in the background. Walked over by friends. Family. Strangers. And I didn't see a problem with it; I'd rather nobody pay attention to me. It was safer that way. Easier. Until I got the wrong kind of attention. Lev Somov caught me running from an impromptu crime I was committing against my ex-boyfriend, and in that moment, he somehow decided I was worth giving his attention to. All the bad kinds of attention. Next thing I know, he's watching over me, hijacking my job and becoming my client. And then he takes things above a level I never thought possible. He is a monster, incapable of feeling any type of remorse or guilt for anyone and anything, including me. All I can hope for is that I make it out of this obsession alive. LEV This life wasn't meant for me, but now that he's gone, it's mine for the taking. And no one is going to stop me. I've shown my loyalty through blood, and I make no plans to change my future. Especially not for the little kukolka I found stumbling into the wrong alleyway. I'll take my time before I break her. And then, the Dynasty will be mine.

And Here's To Nowhere by BroganEastwood

A short comedy about the death of an old man who doesn't belong anywhere. He' meets some friends and has some adventures, but what happens if things get too out of hand! Well he dose have forever. Just to be sure I don't believe in religion. I don't think there's anything after death. Well you can't feel emotion because they come from your brain, sorry I probably just made my one reader suicidal. Sorry Dan One other thing why does everyone just read the last chapters and skip the middle ones, I fell like I have no fillers and the zoo trip is a parody of a story Spring Valley Academy, with a spin-off which I'm crossing over with.

Afterlife: Oblivion #Wattys2024 by astronomist

You die. Game over? Not quite. Welcome to the Afterlife Crucible. Every millennium, lost souls battle for a second shot at life. Forget everything you thought you knew about the afterlife. It's not pearly gates and harps - it's a ruthless gauntlet dreamed up by bored gods with a sick sense of humour. Your regrets become weapons, your sins are armour, and your secrets? Just ammo for your rivals. This is a no-holds-barred war where only the most devious spirits get to breathe again. You'll face nightmares that make Hell look like Disneyland, and opponents who'd sell their own mothers for a chance to win. Ready to fight for your life... after death? I sure as hell wasn't. There I was, barely keeping my head above water, when some prick decided to punch my ticket early. But let's face it - my chances of winning are slimmer than my ex's conscience. Who am I? Jane Doe. Just another dead girl in a sea of corpses... a junkie, a fuckup, a waste of oxygen. Or so I thought...

His Darkest Obsession by ellawryts_

One night. Two strangers. A single mistake, and her life has never been the same since. When Siya caught her fiancée cheating on her with her step-sister, heartbroken, she runs away to Paris to clear her mind and gets drunk. That was her first mistake. Her second and more serious mistake was when she, too drunk to even form coherent sentences, had sex with some handsome stranger as a final 'fuck you' to her asshole of an ex fiancée. She thought that it was only a one night stand, that they will just give each other a wonderful night, say goodbye and go their own ways. However, fate had other plans for her. What she didn't know was that the man she had sex with was one of the most ruthless mafia lords in the country, and that the more time they spent away from each other after that, the more he got obsessed with her. Also, what will she do when she finds out that she is pregnant with the baby of a stranger she met on an unfortunate night? How will they meet again? TROPES: Second chances Accidental pregnancy 'Touch her and die' MMC is obsessed with the FMC (At least give it a try before deciding it's good or not. It's my first ever book)

Far From You by _marlie_b

(book 1) y/n stark is really not here for this european school vacation because in this post-endgame world, she's mourning the loss of her dad. but one (1) sticky boi peter parker is just trying to be the friend he once was while also trying not to flirt too much because if she rejects him (which she wouldn't, not that he knows that) while they're in venice holy hell he'll just pitch himself off the gondola right then and there. basically, y/n has been distancing herself & peter misses her & this school trip is a great way for him to coax her back into the real world & y/n really loves peter but is super sensitive and scared to lose him & also mysterio shows up at some point ugh @ nick fury leave ned leeds alone *this story was written prior to avengers: infinity war & spider-man: far from home coming out. therefore, the canon in which these characters live in is different from the mcu. in this canon - tony stark, captain america, & thor have all died. black widow & vision have survived. the decimation, where half the population was snapped from existence was erased with time travel so those who were snapped came back within online minutes, leaving some residual trauma. in this canon, those who survived the decimation only lived six months without those who were snapped, but those six months have been erased - leaving only the avengers to fully remember what happened.

The Doctor's Assistant by AtlasPyro

Have you ever felt so unimaginably lonely? Ever wanted to end your life because things have gotten so unbelievably horrible? Parents misunderstanding you? Pressure too much amongst your daily stresses? Do not fret, just walk to the back alley behind Maple View Memorial Hospital. Walk down the creaking metal steps, knock a few times on the wooden door and the doctor will handle the rest. These were some of the things Elliot heard being whispered at the weekly depression seminars. They were dying for a way out, a way out of life. A way that didn't involve hanging in the kitchen before the movers showed up. With mom and dad dead from a car crash a few weeks prior, and zero friends to acknowledge their absence, Elliot decides to visit the doctor. But is it more than what they bargained for?

You may also like

Slide 1 of 10

For The Next Thirty Seconds ✓ cover

Spider-Man: Web Of Lies cover

Albatross cover

Blindsided By The Boss cover

The Beast cover

And Here's To Nowhere cover

Afterlife: Oblivion #Wattys2024 cover

His Darkest Obsession cover

Far From You cover

The Doctor's Assistant cover

For The Next Thirty Seconds ✓

**editing ((: "How many sets of thirty seconds are in a day?" "My rough estimate?" "Sure." "About three thousand." "Oh." "Yeah." • 19 year-old Jack's life has been one traumatic event after the next. So, being diagnosed with small cell lung cancer was just icing on the cake. With a survival rate of 14 percent and a life expectancy of 4 months, Jack does all he knows how to do: he runs. 18 year-old Lane's life has just been turned upside down. After finding out her sister's engaged to her childhood best friend, she doesn't think it could get any worse... until she finds out her happily-married parents of 24 years are getting a divorce. She can't stand even being in the same room as one of her family members, so she does something she's never done before: she runs. The Big Apple has never seemed so small. At least, not to Jack and Lane, not when they were next to each other. Nothing seemed too big. Side by side, they could conquer the world. They could fly. But, if the world decides to fight back, whose to say they won't fall, instead? 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴.