Story cover for Wanted and Needed by Judinayaaaaaaaaah
Wanted and Needed
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Bersambung, Awal publikasi Sep 26, 2018
Dewasa
Prologue

I don't need someone to accompany me . I hate being inferior. 
I don't wanna be involve with the things I'm not into . It's annoying . I don't need anybody to tame me . I'm fine on my own . 
I'm humble in my own way yet , my appearance didn't say so . 
They say that I'm a complete definition of beauty , but they've avoided me . I'm a dreadful rose . Staring at me will make you think how I smelled like and how does it feel to touch me . Everybody likes me , but still wary of my thorns . 
Yea , they like me . 
Love .. they didn't . 
But it's alright . I'm fine . As what I've said , I don't need anybody . Yes .
No .
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36 bab Bersambung Dewasa
What we have is just now. As long as she loves me. As long as she wants to be with me. As long as there is 'we'. I love her! But the rainbow is not just a blend of vibrant and bright colors. It doesn't even stay for a long period of time-- just enough for us to see and in a fleet of time is gone, leaving us wondering if it's real. A rainbow doesn't have black and white. It wasn't just like that. Same as love. Same as us. There were times that i want to give her up. Not because my love did fade, rather, my love is too much. Too much that letting her go is the only option left for her to choose me without hesitation, without guilt, freed of lies. I want her to grow, to weigh things as it is. I want her to make me feel that being with me is her choice. I want her to realize that i am hers and that she have to surrender herself to me as well. I want her to love me because that is the way she feels and not because it was the safest way. Being with her is paradise. It was a mixture of colored pastel. It was too vibrant to explain. But at a sudden twist of downs and ups, we are shaking. Loving her has become my weakness. The weakening thought of losing her when I fuck up is too much to run me insane. I'm overreacting perhaps. But being with her, means walking in a narrow-road of heaven. There's no security, no assurance. One wrong move, and I'll be slipping away. Just in the never ending pain of darkness, of solitude, of self-struggle. Loving her has become my addiction. I couldn't get enough of it. But so they say, what's too much can cause harm. Maybe I'm loving her too much that she finds it hard to breathe when i'm around. But yes, it is just a wishful thinking; things that I'll surely not going to say to her because i will never ever earn the courage to say so. We are just nothing but a 'fateful coincidence.'
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"You may not want to be in my head. You might find someone other than myself that you won't be able to forget. It'll haunt you like a nightmare you can't tell. " "Silly. What's in that tough demeanor, ate Cray?" tumawa lang si Ember at kumapit ulit sa braso ko. "I like you. That's enough right?" Napailing na lang ako sa inaasal nito. If she'll learn our history, she'll then understand. Pinalis ko yung kamay nitong nakakapit na naman sa braso ko. "Compose yourself, Ember. I don't like you. You're just like a sister to me. Someone I had to protect with my life." I caught the way those words cut through her. It's visible in the same set of lifeless coal eyes that I am most familiar with. "Bakit?" I stared at her blankly. "Atleast tell me what you don't like about me." "That's exactly why it hurts the way it hurts." Napangiti ako ng mapait. "You have too many questions, too many words, in your head. But those will be left unsaid. Like me, you have to suffer through the intricacy of feeling too much every single day of your life. It hurts like hell." "Damn you. I like you." "You like me for what?" "You. You're not like everyone else. You're so sure of yourself. You're clever. You're self-made. You're everything. Everyone likes you. So you should be mine." I laughed at how shallow those things meant for her. Someone who can't even meet me in the depths of my shattered soul. "Thanks. But those are all my disorder." As i was about to turn my back, she whispered, "I actually feel sorry for you. You still don't know what it was that you even had. And yet still choose to lose. But one day, you'll see me for who I really am. And you're going to hate yourself for turning me down." No, Ember. You're wrong. I know you. You don't know me. Our past will surely haunt us. For you, I'll just be a girl known by everyone. But in fact, known by no one. It's terrible isn't it? The way we throw people away. ****
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"No! Stop!" I could see her fading silhouette. She keeps on walking away just like the way I dreamt of her every night. 'No! Please don't walk away. I need to see your face. I need to know your name. I need to find you.' But I know that it wasn't enough. If there's anything that she's good at, it is into dodging people away. "Please!?" I almost beg. "I need to see you. Just stop." I keep on running and chasing after her. But like in every dreams, she kept on slowly fading away. And I could feel the same emptiness within whenever I've dreamt of this. It starts with her fading hands. Like a human form that's painfully breaking into tiny crystallized pieces that's scattered into thin air, she's dissolving in an incredibly fast-paced. "No. Please don't!" I could feel the tears that's running down on my cheeks as I try to grab her fading hand. "No! No!" As if there's a heavy rock on my chest, my breath starts to heave. I could feel the hollow emptiness within and the contradictory feeling of being crushed beneath.