The Town Where Nothing Ever Happens

Mister Briggs,
We are so grateful that you've decided to come and visit our quaint little town for the next month or so! The townsfolk have been excitedly buzzing around, prettying themselves up for your arrival, and I just know you'll find our town to be an absolute delight! There's just a few things I'd like to warn you about before you get here...
Don't ever head up north towards the old house on the hill, don't stay up after 7 PM on Thursdays, don't go adventuring in any mines alone, don't ever stay in a pitch black room for more than 30 seconds, don't say the word 'witch' out loud on Saturdays, always attend Miss Tear's church ceremonies on Sundays, and never ever, for the love of God, open an umbrella in the woods for any reason. If you can follow all of these rules, then I think you and the townsfolk will get along just dandy! You're not even here yet and you already feel like part of the family!
Have fun!
- Mayor Caldwell

In other words, Thomas Briggs, head reporter and journalist for Fade City's local news business, was headed to the small, quiet town of... Well, Thomas forgot the name, but it's a work in progress. He'd heard some ridiculous rumors about the place, so against the wishes of his friends and coworkers, he called up the mayor, asked if he could come visit, and packed his bags.

This story, if we ever get to updating it, will include ancient coal miners, gnomes, yandere witches, town secrets, and... Wait, did I say gnomes? You bet your ass I did.