How to write like a Pirate, Get readers, and other inspirational crap

I get asked a lot for advice so I'm going to sum up all of it here.

So sit down, shut up, and don't go anywhere because this book will change your life. Or at least it better, otherwise you're probably doing something wrong.

I'll cover things like:
General Advice on being a better Writer or anything really.
Why you aren't getting any reads, and how to get more.
Tips, life lessons, and what I learned the hard way.
How to be a good reader and why that matters.
How to fix basic problems about your story to help it get noticed.
Basic advice on Tags, cover, description.
I'll talk about things you may not even know you are doing wrong yet.
What it means to be a Pirate as a writer and why you should be one too.

And I'll update more as needed. Generally, it's a bunch of stuff that's not always obvious or you didn't think about at first. Lessons that I discovered through a long painful process of trial and error. Everything may not be exactly right in everyone's eyes, but nobody's perfect.

Be aware, this book may both change your life for the better and unapologetically attack you on a personal level at the same time. Because how can you know what to fix if you didn't know what is broken?

You can write. You can be a writer, novice or professional. And maybe you are simply failing in some way because nobody told you what-not-to-do yet. Let me tell you. Let me break you down and build you up so that you can succeed. But I can't help you if you don't let me. So give me that chance and read this from start to finish.