Me and Myself
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- Votes 5
- Parts 3
Is it bad that I lose everything that I love? Is it bad that I hurt so bad that I cry every night? Is it bad that I'm scared to trust anyone? Is it bad that I have a hard time believing people? Is it bad that I just don't want to try to be happy anymore? Is it bad that I want to be numb? Is it bad that I can't feel good because if I don't feel sad I don't feel sane, or I can't feel anything else? Is it bad that I cry and can't stop the tears from falling? Is it bad that I have been lied to by the people I trusted? Is it bad that I don't want to live anymore? Will I ever be able to answer these questions?
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Back to Square One
As I stare at myself in the mirror, I don't even recognize the reflection. I'm a married woman, and I can't get over that. I'm only wearing red lace underwear at the moment. I wear sexy panties and bras now because I have someone who's seeing them every day other than myself. Does he wear special boxers...? I'm not ready to think about Silas that way yet. It is still too weird. I am a little surprised that I haven't had a meltdown yet. I've never had a panic attack before, but my life has been turned upside-down. I have a pretty damn good excuse to have one. Everyone is probably expecting that I will. They may even be surprised that I haven't yet. Eight years erased... Eight years to learn... I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I'm still me... just older. I rub lotion into my face, examining it closely. Still me. Same blue eyes. Same shallow dimples in my cheeks. Same lips that cover straight teeth that my parents paid a lot of money for. I step back and take in my body. A little curvier then I remember, but not by much. I guess with marriage comes comfort weight. My hair is the same blonde, just longer. How odd to have everything the same... yet so different. Completed July of 2019Complete
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HATE TO LOVE YOU ✅
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Gay Sugar Daddy
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(Though highly recommend to read the book "Obsession, Madness & Love" first, this book can be read as a standalone.) ____________________________________________ I made a mistake. A terrible one. I betrayed my best friend. The only person who ever cared for me. But I had no choice. Then there's his younger sister, Maria Andrews who always looked up to me as if I was some kind of an angel, little does she know that I am far away from that. And now I am on the run, trying to leave everything behind. But it's been four years, four fucking years since her eighteenth birthday when she confessed having feelings for me. For Me. And her words still haunt me, the tears in her eyes when I rejected her still burn my heart but I did what I had to do. People don't love me, especially women...they only seek pleasure from me. I am not a lovable person and someone you should definitely steer clear of. Getting involved with my best friend's (or ex best friend's) sister is stupid and I'm fucking mature enough to not even think of her, of someone who is eight years younger than me. But now, she is here and God help me, I am about to cross every fucking line.Complete
Unmask
"You trust me, don't you?" he says with a smile, that smile. It had fooled everyone, even me at some point, and for the first time I want to scream with rage and shake the earth to the core. "Give me a hug," he says pulling me out of the chair that feels like a rock underneath me. I am as stiff as a board as his hands circle me, making me feel worse than dirt. His hands reach between my thighs and I want to plunge a knife deep through his chest. The only thing stopping me is, the knife is no where near. I pull back and I don't try to hide the anger in my eyes. I want him to see it. To know that I am coming for him. Rape is chanted repeatedly in my mind, reminding of the lies I just told and the false accusations I am throwing on innocent people. He's probably figured it out anyways, surely a Priest as high as he cannot be deceived. But none of that matters anymore because...... This is just the Beginning.Complete
As I stare at myself in the mirror, I don't even recognize the reflection. I'm a married woman, and I can't get over that. I'm only wearing red lace underwear at the moment. I wear sexy panties and bras now because I have someone who's seeing them every day other than myself. Does he wear special boxers...? I'm not ready to think about Silas that way yet. It is still too weird. I am a little surprised that I haven't had a meltdown yet. I've never had a panic attack before, but my life has been turned upside-down. I have a pretty damn good excuse to have one. Everyone is probably expecting that I will. They may even be surprised that I haven't yet. Eight years erased... Eight years to learn... I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I'm still me... just older. I rub lotion into my face, examining it closely. Still me. Same blue eyes. Same shallow dimples in my cheeks. Same lips that cover straight teeth that my parents paid a lot of money for. I step back and take in my body. A little curvier then I remember, but not by much. I guess with marriage comes comfort weight. My hair is the same blonde, just longer. How odd to have everything the same... yet so different. Completed July of 2019
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