Lost

Cold. That's all I feel. It is so chilling that I am afraid that if I cried my tears wouldn't stop. I can't move one muscle. I feel so heavy; so cold. My mind is telling me crying would lead to relief, but my heart told me that if I began I wouldn't be able to stop. I would give anything to see my family again. My little brother that used to despise with my entire being. My mom that I used to scream I hate you to on a daily basis. My dad... the one I stole from, the one I talked bad about every chance I got.

"I hate you!"

"Sofia please calm down."

I remember her pleas for me calm down that night, but of course I never did. I remember the venom that dripped so delicately from my lips. The poison I spewed out of my mouth that day was horrid. Every little drop was calculated to hurt and break her down. I remember how it brought her to tears, but I didn't care. Now I want to cry. Every inch of my being is raked with sorrow.

I didn't realize it until now, I'm crying; no not just crying sobbing. I want to die. Living feels no longer mandatory. I want death to come quick and fast; no, I deserve this pain. My body was convulsing with every sob that terrorised my body. I want to hug my mom. How long has it been since I have had that urge? I know it had to of been a long time because a sense of discomfort raked through my body at the thought. I want to hug her again, but I still don't want to touch her.

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