questio in tenebris
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Kylo wished that he could just get a break, but that wasn’t going to happen. Especially under Snoke. Kylo knew that being under his tutelage would be something that was going to break him in the end, something he wouldn’t be able to handle in the slightest. He wasn’t worthy of the chance he got to learn and to perform, to be able to use magic and not be spat on by everyone else that didn’t have it, who weren’t cursed with being different.
He worked to be worthy one day, because he knew that if he really stretched himself far enough, he would earn the approval that he needed and so desperately craved. That made sense to him. He reminded himself that he wasn’t worthy every morning, and worked to be worthy as he performed in front of more people and watched them marvel at things he could do and respect him.
He loved it.
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❝He didn't say anything, just stared. A malicious glint came to his eyes. "Rey, I did not think you could be this foolish. I am years older than you, physically and mentally. How could I ever fall for a Jedi? I am stronger that that." This was what he reiterated in his head every day, every second he thought about her. But she was right indeed. He did like her. It seemed like an understatement almost. He needed her. Every second that Rey wasn't with him felt like torture. He couldn't let her know that. He also desperately clung to the darkness. His darkness was what fueled him and what kept him going. He couldn't possibly give that up. The girl was a conundrum. "Liar," Rey whispered. She crossed the distance between them. Now, they were only a few inches apart, separated by the bars of the cell. "You're right," he smiled. Yet again, it didn't reach his eyes. Rey was right. He could barely stand to be someone he wasn't. But his past called for him. "I am a liar. A manipulative beast." He reached out and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "You would do well to stay away." She stepped back. She had felt a jolt of something when he touched her. Like she was being set on fire, but she loved it. "St- Stay away from me," she stuttered. Never in her life had she been terrified of herself this much. He frowned. "You don't like this, little padawan?" ---- Thank you for reading! Any feedback is welcome.
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