questio in tenebris

Kylo wished that he could just get a break, but that wasn’t going to happen. Especially under Snoke. Kylo knew that being under his tutelage would be something that was going to break him in the end, something he wouldn’t be able to handle in the slightest. He wasn’t worthy of the chance he got to learn and to perform, to be able to use magic and not be spat on by everyone else that didn’t have it, who weren’t cursed with being different.

He worked to be worthy one day, because he knew that if he really stretched himself far enough, he would earn the approval that he needed and so desperately craved. That made sense to him. He reminded himself that he wasn’t worthy every morning, and worked to be worthy as he performed in front of more people and watched them marvel at things he could do and respect him.
He loved it.