I never expected to be diagnosed with cancer. I never expected Garyn, and getting close to him. I never expected Adem to be one of my best friends. We don’t expect a lot of things. Kind of like me, and my life as a whole. I never expected my boyfriend to die in a car crash, and then the cancer to take me away three months later, leaving my mom, David, and Lesley alone. I didn't want to go, I just did.
We don’t expect that our lives will go to shit, just when they’re going where we want them to. Our lives are sensitive, and at the same time, we’re so hard on them. We put them in danger, on purpose or by fate, and we throw them away just to have a good time. We have to be careful with them, because we only get one of them. One life, one love, and definitely only one shot at making it perfect.
And yes, I know you've heard stories on end that talk about losing someone, or dying, or even the side effect of it, but this is my story, and as depressing as it is, enjoy it. We only get one.
I lost my mom at 11, that's when it started. My dad became a drunk and I was left to take care of my 3-month-old baby sister. Now I'm 23, graduated a few years ago and my sister, now 12, can understand what happened.
She never fully understood when I needed someone to and I didn't have many friends that stuck around afterwards. Until I met him.
We were friends first, then the feelings got deeper. He asked me to be his girlfriend. He was my first kiss, first date, first real friend, first love, everything. I loved him and I do. I've said it.
Now all we do is fight. I don't know why we can't figure things out, but I can't take this fighting. I just want things to go back to the way things were.
The way we used to be... Happy, carefree teens that pretended we had the whole world figured out.