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Disasterology

Reads 1,021
Votes 19
Parts 9
Time 48m

Reads 1,021
Votes 19
Parts 9
Time 48m

aingst alexandria anorexia asking cutters emo esteam hate love low music pierce punk self veil

Never, never in my life have I ever been one of the crowd. I’ve always been unusual. It’s not that I’m not willing to change it’s that I’m not capable. That’s what scared me the most. I try to be different, by that meaning I tried being the same, but it was a fruitless endeavor.  I am stuck in my ways and had been sense birth. I have problems, I’m not going to deny it. I might be fucked up in the head but I know four things. I know my place in society, I know who I am, I’m a damn good friend and I never ever break a promise.
	Now that you know a little bit about me its time you know a little bit about me. My full name is Alexandria Dawn Joz-lin Kestrel. An intense name I’m aware, but I go by Alex. Simple, easy to remember and not quite as hard to live up to as Alexandria. I have three addictions and three vices. I’m addicted to music, photography and Tumblr. My vices are much much darker and much much more enthralling, so much so in fact that I feel I must keep them to myself. Like I’ve said before I have problems. But I didn’t pore my heart out onto paper so that you can hear about me and all of the things that make me a freak, I did it so you would know my story.All Rights Reserved

aingst alexandria anorexia asking cutters emo esteam hate love low music pierce punk self veil

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9 parts

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A Match to Water by shiningpolaris

Laying on the ground I couldn’t tell if I was alive or on the verge of death. I felt alive, but I was in a corpses body. But of course, if I was dead who would really care? Parents? My ‘friends’? My relatives, oh I don’t even want to think about that.. No one would really care..at least that is what I thought. Looking over at my wrists I see the familiar red color coming out, but it was worse. Much worse. Feeling my eyes start to close of fatigue I let them fall, I’m tired...all I need is a little..rest. The loud slamming of a door comes to my ears but I pay no attention, it was probably just the wind or my dad coming home not knowing his own strength and breaking the door. But that wasn’t on my mind right now. Rest. Thats all I need. A break. A time out. A chance to get away. Just a little time. One thing that came to my mind was that song. That song. I was absolute in love with that song, though I never really knew why. It was just that feeling inside that, made you feel connected. Yes. That song. Pierce the Veil, oh his voice is beautiful.. Just can calm me and make me fall asleep. On the verge of life or death I feel like, I’m floating. Something is holding me. Either the arms of angels or demons I don’t know. Just I was floating. The grip around me gets tighter, it wasn’t flames or clouds that I was getting lowered into. It was softer than clouds. It was one of the best places. I obviously have been here at least once, or I wasn’t at all. Maybe in one of my dreams. In a daydream. I wasn’t sure. But whatever or whoever this was made me feel comfortable, something that I haven’t been able to have. I hear this low voice above right above me, it was sad, full of regret, and most of all wanting. Begging. Pleading. Screaming. Crying. “Wake up! I know you can hear me!”

Starving For Help by Lauryn_Love

"I smile everyday. I live my life like nothing is wrong with me. No one would ever guess that I'm screaming inside or that I've secretly been hiding this huge part of my life. No one would ever know that I cry myself to sleep at night or that deep down I'm starving for help." Welcome to Anorexia. Your hostess is Ana. She'll take over from here. Suffering alone inside of your mind from a terrifying mental disorder, is something that even those who battle such a thing every day, cannot fully understand. It's like being alone 24/7 yet it's never quiet inside of your head. You can't stop the voices. You can't control your emotions. As it gets worse, you lose control of your body all together. You become prey to your disease and You can't fight back. That is what it's like for someone who has spent years of their life suffering in silence from an eating disorder. Fighting a monster that you have no chance of beating. It's almost impossible to describe the type of torture that consumes your mind. Hell. It's equivalent to pure hell.

Just A Thought by juayxx

Something tragic has happened. A 17 year old Valeri has to move to her dad's place. She spent all her life thinking he was dead. Her now dead mother told her that. Not knowing she has a twin brother she flies over the country and meets him there. She comes back into lives of people she once knew and loved. Not just her family. But someone else. A boy who took care of her when she was struggling. Her best friend. Valeri is dealing with addictions and when something at her new home happens, she sinks even lower. It might not end well for her. But she has friends now. Her kind brother, two funny friends and someone else she once knew... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Heyy! This is my first book. 1. I want to make it clear that English is not my first language and there might be writing mistakes. 2. ⚠️BEFORE YOU START READING CHECK TWs BELOW⚠️ 3. I myself struggle with an addiction and I think writing this book will help me process everything. That's another reason why I'm doing it. 4. You're welcome to comment but leave if you're here to write hate comments. I don't care what you think. 5. If you're here just for smut this is not a book for you. There might be some scenes but not many. This story is about struggling, dealing and fighting with addictions. 6. I'll post a new chapter every few days. I have a lot of schoolwork but I'll try my best. ⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS: panic and anxiety attacks, self harm, sexual assault and rape, eating disorder, drinking and smoking, weed, pills, drug addiction, overdose, suicide attempt, depression, ptsd, swearing, mature content TROPES: -childhood best friend -friends to lovers -brother's best friend -who did this to you? -one bed trope I'LL PROBABLY ADD SOME MORE I hope you'll enjoy it!

Lost by livvydavis

Sometimes, I'm not always sure what to do. I feel like I'm always wrong, like I'm never good enough. I'm invisible and it's as if I don't exist. If I really didn't exist, I don't think anyone would care. I'm all alone in this great big world, I'm lost. Maddie has never been good enough for anyone. Her perfect sister, Megan, always manages to outshine her. Her father never pays attention to her, because he's always worried about Megan. Every Tuesday and Thursday, Maddie goes to group therapy, where she shares her feelings. Every week it's the same thing, until Maddie gets a new lab partner: Zach Williams, every girl's dream date. WARNING: I wrote this book when I was really, really young. It is very poorly written and has a TON of grammatical errors. I'm working on editing/rewriting this.

Beside you 5sos (boyxboy) (Malum, Lashton) by JaderTader637

Michael is suicidal Calum is closeted Ashton has anxiety Luke is anorexic Calum is a jock who has always been popular but has a secret he's hiding from everyone. When he meets Michael he falls in love he decides to keep it a secret in fear of losing his popularity. He is able to suppress his affections for a while but suddenly he finds himself wanting more with Michael then secrete kisses. Micheal once was happy and free, never shedding a tear, but when his mother died in a horrible car accident two years ago he became depressed, suicidal, and started cutting. He is better now with the help of his best friend Ashton but he still has the bad habit of cutting. When he meets Calum his whole life turns upside down. He both wants to shred his hole body and never cut again at the same time. This boy confuses him like no other but when he wants to keep it a secret he has no choice but to obey. Ashton has had anxiety attacks since the time he was seven when his dad started beating him. Around three years ago someone found out and Ashton was taken away. His best friend Michael and his family took him in. He is now going to college and is hoping to make a new start but his anxiety starts to get the best of him as the stress of college thickens. Maybe his new friend Luke can help him more then Ashton knows. Luke was bullied all his life for being fat. He would come home from school crying into his mother's arms. He became so depressed that he stopped eating all together. One day he looked in the mirror and realized that he was losing weight. He stopped getting bullied but still continued not to eat unable to shake the disease. He soon became hospitalized and started to eat again but after he got rejected by multiple collages his self esteem went down and he stopped eating. After meeting and falling in love a guy named Ashton he quickly realizes that he is more than what those people say. Warning: Strong language Smutt Violence Suicidal content

Emotional Amnesia by CAKerst

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say, "I know you're not". I have felt like this many times in my life; as a kid, teenager and as an adult. I have seen many things in my life and felt even more things that has been horribly depressing... But I got up. I stood up to walk on for another day. I dealt with my emotional amnesia the only way I knew I could and that was by writing it out into poetry. I wanted to forget my pain and forget what I was going through. I needed that cut of the blade or a pill to drink to take everything away. My poetry became both my pill and my blade... Now I share the most intimate part of myself with the world. The part of me I kept hidden in the closet. The part I never thought I would ever present to the world. Now is the time I have to stop having amnesia about my emotions. It is time to learn, to better myself and to stand up and remember the things that I shut out like a voluntary amnesia all these years. Those who are offended after reading this - f**k you! If you are sad with me and willing to cut your wrist - I know how you feel! If you just enjoy the words - I love you! #679 in Poetry on 17/03/2018 #779 in Poetry on 18/03/2018 #807 in Poetry on 19/03/2018 #474 in Poetry on 22/03/2018

My FaCiAl Disorder by LIFE---118

How quickly everything ended by just a single day, I was just like any other girl in the world- laughing and hanging out with friends, taking endless selfies, having crushes on bad boys and nerds included. I was confident, maybe even a little vain. I never thought or cared about how I look. It was just mine. Normal. Easy. But everything changed in one single moment- a moment filled with fire, screaming metal, and a blur of terror that rewrote my life. I survived. Everybody says I'm lucky but this, this doesn't feel like survival it feels like a punishment, a curse. A curse that am willing to carry all my life. The accident left me with permanent facial disfigurement, and ever since, I've been stuck behind a mask I never asked to wear. My face is the first thing anyone sees, and sometimes, it feels like the only thing they see. I avoid mirrors now. I no longer go out i miss how I would go out whenever I felt like it. I can't risk being stared at- the quick. Friends faded. Invitations stopped. Of course this would stop, who would want to invite the hideous me. I would scare everyone worse ruin their appetite. That's how everyone reacted the first time I went out. What did I expect. Life moved on for everyone but me. My mom is the only person in my life right now, the only person who hasn't looked away. Shes' become my anchor, my only link to the world I used to know. Even with her love, it's still hard to silence the voices in my head, the ones saying I'm hideous, broken, unworthy. I miss my old smile. I still haven't done anything in life. This isn't just my appearance it's about everything, it stolen my self- esteem, my confidence, my ability to feel like I belong anywhere. I dont feel beautiful anymore, it's not like I was that beautiful but I was myself. I don't even feel like me. This is a constant battle with the mirror, with the world, and with yourself. And most days, I'm still trying to find the strength to look up to.

One Million Branches [Vic Fuentes Book One] by fidjdhhd

Paige, a girl from a broken home, her sister killed herself a few years ago and since then she has been depressed and guilty. She does all sorts of self harm and is suicidal. Her parents blame her for her sister's death, they beat her, make fun of her, and make her feel terrible about everything she does. Paige's only friends left her when she became depressed, leaving her with one friend who eventually stabbed her in the back and told everyone, everything. To escape everything Paige goes to the park and climbs trees, one day she starts talking to a class mate named Vic and they become friends, they tell each other everything. Will there friendship lead to something more? Or will Paige be left heartbroken? (TRIGGER WARNING) Sequel: It was all for you, all for you and more

The Edge of Tomorrow by Aia_Je

Born into a prestigious family, Elijah had to shoulder a lot of things- pride, family name, being the best of the best... These things were not what he wanted. As his family pushed him to the top, he gained everything that everybody ever wanted, power, fame, and wealth. People were jealous, resentful, bitter of his achievements, they all wanted to be just like him. Beneath these cloaks was a man who longed for love, affection, happiness... But never has he gotten even a single drop of it. Trying to cast aside his past, he reincarnated after he died in a cold-blooded war. Still wanting love, affection, and happiness, he now seeks to get it all. In a world filled with magic, monsters, and swords he wants a chance to meet his desires in his second life. Now born as Alexander Hollows, he will create a path full of life... But never has he thought that so many challenges will face him from now on. With the help of the ones he trusts the most, they will discover what actually hides beneath the peace and prosperity of the new world, they will find the shadow that lurks beneath them. As the people around him discover and accept the truth of their own world will they also accept Alex's mysterious past? I'm only a beginner at writing and english is not my first language so please be considerate of my spelling and grammar errors. I have many ideas flowing in my head so please be patient while the plot slowly builds itself. I will give you more info on this novel later. Disclaimer: I do not own the cover! All credits to the creator of the cover! Any Pictures I put in the chapters do not belong to me!

We All Fall Down. (Jack Barakat of All Time Low) by StoryOfALonelyJane

I wrote this a long time ago, when I was 14/15, a time when self harm was something that seemed to just be everywhere in my life. I apologise to anyone who read this before I put this notice here, but I'm pretty sure in every chapter there is some sort of mention of mental illness/self harm. I know I could just take the story down, but it was one of the first ever stories I wrote that I liked and completed, and although I admit now it's not great, it shows progress. And progress is everything. Baby steps. Sorry again. This is an official TRIGGER WARNING. Emma is depressed. She's just been dumped and is being bullied. Can Jack save her or will she break his heart? I own everything in this story apart from lyrics used and bands mentioned, the storyline is my own and I'd appreciate it if you didn't take it or any element of my writing.

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Slide 1 of 10

A Match to Water cover

Starving For Help cover

Just A Thought cover

Beside you 5sos (boyxboy) (Malum, Lashton) cover

Emotional Amnesia cover

My FaCiAl Disorder cover

One Million Branches [Vic Fuentes Book One] cover

The Edge of Tomorrow cover

We All Fall Down. (Jack Barakat of All Time Low) cover

A Match to Water

Laying on the ground I couldn’t tell if I was alive or on the verge of death. I felt alive, but I was in a corpses body. But of course, if I was dead who would really care? Parents? My ‘friends’? My relatives, oh I don’t even want to think about that.. No one would really care..at least that is what I thought. Looking over at my wrists I see the familiar red color coming out, but it was worse. Much worse. Feeling my eyes start to close of fatigue I let them fall, I’m tired...all I need is a little..rest. The loud slamming of a door comes to my ears but I pay no attention, it was probably just the wind or my dad coming home not knowing his own strength and breaking the door. But that wasn’t on my mind right now. Rest. Thats all I need. A break. A time out. A chance to get away. Just a little time. One thing that came to my mind was that song. That song. I was absolute in love with that song, though I never really knew why. It was just that feeling inside that, made you feel connected. Yes. That song. Pierce the Veil, oh his voice is beautiful.. Just can calm me and make me fall asleep. On the verge of life or death I feel like, I’m floating. Something is holding me. Either the arms of angels or demons I don’t know. Just I was floating. The grip around me gets tighter, it wasn’t flames or clouds that I was getting lowered into. It was softer than clouds. It was one of the best places. I obviously have been here at least once, or I wasn’t at all. Maybe in one of my dreams. In a daydream. I wasn’t sure. But whatever or whoever this was made me feel comfortable, something that I haven’t been able to have. I hear this low voice above right above me, it was sad, full of regret, and most of all wanting. Begging. Pleading. Screaming. Crying. “Wake up! I know you can hear me!”