Et si on me tuait demain ?
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- Parts 4
Ongoing13m
Last published Tue, Dec 25, 2018
#0 - Petite Présentation
Mes parents m'ont appelé Mathieu.
J'ai porté ce prénom 10 ans environs avant de comprendre que « je n'étais pas celui qu'ils
appelaient Mathieu ».
J'ai commencé à m'appeler par un pseudonyme. Le surnom de mon enfance, le surnom par lequel certains de mes vieux amis du lycée m'appellent toujours.
Un simple surnom.
En 2004, il s'est passé des choses. Des évolutions en quelques sortes. Elles ont donné naissance
à l'alter ego de ce cher Mathieu. Deux entités distinctes correspondantes respectivement au « Mathieu familial » et au « Mathieu scolaire » par la décision d'un choix d'avenir
répondant aux questions : Qui es-tu ? Qui seras-tu ? Et qui veux tu devenir ?
Aujourd'hui, je répondrais :
Je ne suis personne, je ne serais personne, je ne veux devenir personne.
« Je ne suis personne » est certainement la plus vraie de toutes ses affirmations et c'est ce
qu'il faut retenir de moi.
« Je ne serais personne » est l'affirmation dont j'ignore totalement la réponse à la question posée. Être personne on s'y habitue, être quelqu'un pourquoi pas mais qui ? Et est ce à moi dans donner la réponse ?
« Je ne veux devenir personne ». Et bien pour celle ci je dirais : « Et si on me tuait demain ? »
car depuis longtemps maintenant à la question « Qui veux-tu devenir ? » je réponds que j'aimerais
simplement ne plus être moi et que j'aurais préféré n'avoir jamais existé.
All Rights Reserved
#11
personne
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Being equally important, my mother had a mother to mother talk with our neighbour, asking as politely as she possibly could to babysit me - but I wouldn't exactly call it babysitting if my mom specifically asks that I only stay over to study for as long as I want; no food included, no relaxation breaks, nothing except studying. In other words my mother asked if I could use their house as a study spot when she and my dad argue. Having explained it to our neighbour, she willing and wholeheartedly accepted, and with that she offered if I could sometimes stay for dinner, but my mother declined. Repeatedly emphasizing on the 'study only'. So, already being agreed, our neighbour noted how she had a son who's three years older than me, which did not bother my mother - but it bothered me. It did bother me before I started studying there. I was practically invisible to the sixteen year old boy who never glanced my way, not even once. He was smart, according to his mother who would help me with something I was bad at, but he was very much a problematic child. Although, to me he was just a nice boy, with a phone in his hand, always walking from his room to the kitchen, and never saying hello to me. It would be an understatement if I said he didn't know I existed, because he did know I existed and that I came to study at his house everyday, he just never took it in his interest to look at me when I looked at him. And that's how I grew up. Having two homes. The one I wake up in, sleep in, eat in, bath in and the one I study in - also known as the house I met my first crush Taeil. Taeil, who didn't bother noticing me but allowed me to notice him everyday of the week, month, year, up to a decade - excluding family outings and outings similar to that. In conclusion, I basically watched him grow up. Grow up into the drug and alcoholic, sex in love man he is. Copyrights © Dzzuling_Min
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