The Dark Heir (SHORTLIST - Open Novella Contest 2019)
  • Reads 8,510
  • Votes 1,113
  • Parts 22
  • Time 3h 12m
  • Reads 8,510
  • Votes 1,113
  • Parts 22
  • Time 3h 12m
Complete, First published Jan 02, 2019
**Featured on DARK FANTASY and ADULT FICTION reading lists**

WARNING: EATING OR DRINKING WHILE READING THIS STORY IS HIGHLY INADVISABLE. 

Once Upon A Time, Good Omens, Monty Python, and Arrested Development had a back-alley three-way and birthed a fairytale.

Gerald wasn't supposed to be stuck living seven centuries in the future. He definitely wasn't supposed to be "mentoring" The Dark Lord's progeny in the hopes that she would decide to save the world rather than destroy it. In fact, he wasn't even supposed to be named Gerald (the name of every other male in his family for three hundred years), because everyone assumed a weak-chinned, balding, forgettable man, who was just a magician, could never be who Geraldo The Foreshadower prophesied.  But that's what assuming gets you, and here he was saddled with a fate he never asked for, in a time he didn't know, surrounded by people he didn't want to like, and he was out of Firewine AGAIN!

The Dark Heir is a darkly satirical tale of assumptions, anti-heroes, and apocalypses, where the road to hell is actually a themed water-park slide covered in slightly less urine than a real one.

It drops literary and film references faster than an NYC socialite drops names, and promises endless laughs - including, but not limited to, sad chuckles, guffaws, uncontrollable giggles at inappropriate moments, brays, barks, cackles, snorts, cachinnations, and the occasional howl (though that may be the Welsh Werewolves showing up unannounced). 

Consider yourself warned...


Reviews:

"Completely and adorably bonkers," says @floranocturna

"Hilarious in every way. Even when I cringed, I laughed," says @LadySapphire2018

Winner of The Trident Awards
All Rights Reserved
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"What do you think?" asked the one-eyed grandma which pulled me back from my trance. "It's...it's just amazing and beautiful. I can't take my eyes off it," I wanted to wear it. That's where it actually belonged. Not in some small wooden box which shunned its brilliance. "You can have it for 30 province permits," she said. "30?!!" I exclaimed. All of a sudden, the necklace didn't look so appealing. Province permits were these expensive permits you needed to travel to other provinces. The amount of service hours required to get one was crazy. "Yes. As a discount I'll settle for 20... your choice. Take it or leave." "How about 15?" "Deal." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Darkus is a planet existing millions of light years away from Earth in an entirely different galaxy. It is the abode of men and women gifted with certain powers. The planet is ruled by a council headed by a Riasto. And every three years, a selection committee chooses four residents from an alien planet and gives them the powers of a sorcerer and welcomes them as its citizens. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ #44 in planet - highest ranking so far 😄