The Body Guard

When did life become so hard...It's been ages since I had last smile, not since their deaths. I admit, if I hadn't gotten to know her or if she wasn't the one who approached me then maybe they'd still be alive and I would be just as it was before...happy.
I could only wish, now all I want is to make the pain go away.
The pain in my heart which seems never ending.
Women, don't even cut it nowadays, drugs just only is good for that short amount of time. I need something permanent, not something that needed fixing. Is that what it comes to these days, something that needs to be fixed. But then again would I want to give all this up, women, booze, and drugs...only time will tell.
Beg-March 14, 2019