The Hell I Carry - Lukeass - Wattpad

Story cover for The Hell I Carry by MisterLucasDerion

The Hell I Carry

MisterLucasDerion

Reads 217
Votes 2
Parts 12
Time 2h 19m

Reads 217
Votes 2
Parts 12
Time 2h 19m

MisterLucasDerion

abuse autobiography child childabuse facts factsaboutme greatdepression growth hate loss love pain passion truthfulness

It's funny how a memory has the potential to weasel its way up from the depths of one's mind and float effortlessly on its surface. We are then forced to re-live the moments we have spent decades burying beneath amicable smiles and a false sense of security. This is my story; one shrouded in as much truth as my mind can tolerate. My story may mean nothing to you, but I believe, that if these words were to fall into the right hands, then they could have the potential to change someone's life, someone's mind. At a young age I learned what it meant to carry the scorching secrets of a fiery hell. For years I allowed the flames to consume my mind as I proceeded to live a life devoted to destruction and chaos. I blamed my mother. I blamed the men that raped me. I blamed the woman that refused to love me back. But when the smoke cleared, the mirror on the wall only painted a single reflection, that of myself. So, when the big bad wolf no longer blows, yet the house still falls, who will I have to blame then? Only me.All Rights Reserved

abuse autobiography child childabuse facts factsaboutme greatdepression growth hate loss love pain passion truthfulness

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12 parts

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Melancholy by ruani_writes

She hated them. They loved her with everything in them. The universe truly has a sick way of telling you it's there, doesn't it? From being kidnapped to being abused, that was all Arabella saw in life. It was all she ever knew. They tell you to keep fighting but sometimes you realize... you were just a child. Now she's built herself up using her pain as the next step to her strength. She's learnt how to strive forward even as her past haunts her mind crawling up her back every passing second. That is until the first 7 people who only ever brought her pain find their way back into her life. She has no way to let go of her past when they come right back to her. The world showed her no mercy in it's ways so why should she. ~~~ I let out a small sigh wanting more of this. I wanted to be held like this whenever I felt broken. Feel the way he puts me back together in his arms. It ate at my heart and I could have sworn I felt a feathery kiss on my head. It was as if he could hear my thoughts and was kissing them away for me. Slowly he lets one hand go, the other staying around me as he brings my chin up to him gently wiping my last tears as more fill my eyes. He sees this and his eyes look... crumbled. If you feel this way then why can't you choose me, Dominic. I shake my head from his hands wishing to step back but he pulls me back to him a pain filled groan leaving him. "Just one more minute. Please." His body shook and I brought him closer, feeling our pain become one. Our hurricanes of minds pull away even for the smallest time letting us stand together as one in each other's embrace. He was it for me. But I wasn't his.

The Trials by Yaroda07

How do you get rid of the biggest part of you? How do you ignore the call of something so beautiful yet so deadly? How do you resist the darkness that's been living, growing and thriving within you even before you were born? How do you turn down the only chance to get all the answers you desire, even if it leads you down a path of chaos, horror, and madness? A path others have fought for you not to tread. But why fight at all? Why fight a fire that only burns brighter? "Listen, you can choose not to believe this. But I've been where you are, I've felt what you feel." I opened my mouth to snap back, but he continued, his voice more broken that I'd ever heard it. "Don't ask me how I know - all I know is I don't want to hurt you. I don't want a throne. I just... I just want you to be okay. I can't... I can't lose you too." His eyes held sincerity that should've filled me with guilt. Pain that should've made me reach for him. Something more that should've made my heart ache. But none affected me. Not anymore. I smiled, my voice a whisper as I spoke. "What makes you think I care about you losing me... when I don't even care if I lose myself?" The others may be trying to douse the fire but I'd rather let it burn. Burn until it consumed us all.

Chaos by Imagine-a-black-rose

Book#2 Can be read as a standalone, but I recommend to read Havoc first. I was raised by a man who taught me how to survive, not how to feel. In a freezing house in rural Estonia, I learned to stay quiet. To stay hard. To take a hit and never cry. I knew what punishment felt like before I knew what safety was. My mother did nothing. My father was a monster. I was born to run. To survive. To keep my sister breathing and my demons quiet. But they were never quiet. Always lurking, whispering.. All I had was my sister. She was my family. She was my rock. And when my sister changed her course and moved to New York, I didn't even hesitate to leave it all behind. All I had were my determination, fists and a promise to protect her. I never meant to become a fighter. I wasn't chasing glory. I was chasing silence. Control. A run from my chaos. But the past never stays buried, and the rage never stops burning. I don't believe in love. Not because I'm edgy or broken or any of that poetic bullshit. I just know what it really looks like- fists, silence, slammed doors. Blood on tiles and bruised bodys. Then came Belle Rivera. She's all fire and venom, smart mouth and sharp heels. She saw straight through me from day one and never looked away. She broke every rule I lived by. Saw every part of me I tried to hide. I didn't fall in love. I crashed into it. Now the only thing more dangerous than the fights I take is what I'd do to protect her. This is who I am now. Not a survivor. A weapon. I've already bled for survival. Now I'll bleed for love.

Finding Happiness (Book 1 comes before and ties in to You Series) by Regnado

The second I saw her my skin heated and heart skipped a beat. I knew I had to know who she was. I knew I just needed to be near her. After my horrible marriage I knew getting involved with anyone was the worst thing I could possibly do. The problem was the girl of my dreams was standing right in-front of me partially guarded. She knew my family and knew about my past which should scare me away, but it doesn't it only draws me closer to her. My brother is getting married, I'm the best man, she's the maid of honor. If I screw this up even a little bit everyone is going to have my ass. The second I saw him my mouth went dry. His sculpted arms in that t-shirt covered in ink, my body was telling me to run the other way, to not get involved with this gorgeous dangerous man with a military past. Those gorgeous blue eyes however pulled me in and saw right through every part of me. He's my best friends soon to be brother-in-law, and I have legal custody of a child that isn't mine. Nobody wants to be with a single mom these days, what makes him any different?

Eternal Echoes by JoanneLo22

⚠️ Warning Below This is the story of a little girl who learned to grow in the silence-like a wildflower blooming through cracks in concrete. She lived in a house of shadows, where the walls whispered violence, and silence became her shield. Her days were shaped by what was unspoken-by hands that harmed, by trust that fractured, by love that came laced with pain. But even in that stillness, something stirred. Instead of drowning in the quiet, she began to listen-to the words of others who had walked through similar storms. Their stories were not just stories. They were maps, mirrors, and lifelines. Through their truths, she began to uncover her own. Now, she turns inward and outward, breaking her own silence-not with a scream, but with a steady voice that has waited a lifetime to be heard. This book is not just about trauma. It is about the bones of a broken girl who built a life from what was left behind. It's about grief, and the ghosts of family. About the way innocence can be stolen, yet spirit still survives. It's about the quiet power of letting go. But above all-it's about freedom. The kind you find not by fighting, but by finally releasing what was never yours to carry. And if even one soul finds a piece of themselves in these pages, then her voice, at last, has done what silence could not. ⚠️WARNING Author's Note & Content Warning: This is a deeply personal and emotional story that touches on domestic violence and childhood sexual abuse. While written to bring awareness, healing, and understanding, I recognise these topics may be distressing for some readers.

My Life by celaenaaaaa

This would be really boring. You don't need to waste time reading this. Not just boring, it might be even heartbreaking. The story was still going on, and therefore I had no idea whether it would end in a tragedy or not, but I had a feeling it would. And it did. We broke up under the striking, burning sun of 19th September, 2016. I write usually in a monotone description, therefore don't judge if you read this. My name is Rue, and I wish my life could be like the picture I put as a cover of my story, colourful, calm, and with a soulmate who keeps loving me all the way. However, things never happen as what we would like them to happen. I don't love my life, but I want to remember all that once happened. I want to look back one day, when I'm fully grown, and smile or tell my old self right now that I'm dumb. Mostly and lastly, I just want to remember him, the one I very much remember right now, but will fade in times to come. It is already fading now, and I only hope that I can write them all before they disappear from my mind, forever...

Learning to live beyond survival by cheyannewindle

Harper grew up in the foster care system, learning early that love could be temporary and anger could feel safer than sadness. By seventeen she was working full-time, surviving on five dollars and self-reliance, while everyone else her age was out living freely. Unlearning Survival is the story of what happens after survival mode stops working. It's about confronting anger, setting boundaries, and learning how to give yourself the care no one else taught you. This story is based on my own lived experiences. Some names, locations, and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved. Certain events are written from memory, which may differ from how others remember them. Every emotion, experience, and truth shared here comes from my perspective from what I lived, felt, and saw. My intention is not to harm or blame anyone, but to give voice to the child I once was and to others who have lived through similar experiences. Thank you for reading my story with kindness and respect. Through honesty and reflection, Harper shares how childhood pain shaped her reactions, her relationships, and her view of love and how she's learning to turn that fire into calm. Her voice is raw but hopeful, revealing that growth isn't about perfection. It's about choosing peace, even when chaos feels familiar. This is a story for anyone who's ever been called "too much," anyone who's had to grow up too soon, and anyone learning that healing isn't pretty but it's possible.

At just 13 by CandaceHodge2022

To the countless women who have survived the invisible cages of domestic abuse, the silent screams echoing in empty rooms, the suffocating sweetness of manipulative love turning to bitter ash. This is for those who have found the strength to break free, to rebuild their lives from the shattered fragments of their past. This is for the daughters and sons who witnessed the darkness, yet found the courage to nurture the seeds of hope in their mothers' hearts. This is for the ones who, felt the insidious creep of control, the slow erosion of self, the chilling isolation that whispers of despair. This is for the women who, against all odds, found the unwavering strength to pick up the pieces, to reclaim their voices, their identities, their futures. This is for the women who dared to escape, to heal, to thrive. To the anchors of my resilience, the embodiment of my enduring hope, and to every woman who has fought for her own freedom, this book is a testament to your immeasurable courage, your unwavering spirit, and your unyielding strength. May it serve as a beacon of light in the darkest of nights, a reminder that even in the deepest shadows, the flame of hope continues to burn. May it inspire you to keep fighting, keep believing, keep rising. Because you are stronger than you know, braver than you imagine, and infinitely more resilient than you ever believed possible. This is for you, for your unyielding spirit and for the future you are forging. May this story be a small contribution to a much-needed conversation, a whisper of solidarity in the face of overwhelming silence, a reminder that you are not alone and that healing is possible. Your fight, your survival, your triumph, inspires me every single day. This book is my tribute to your unwavering strength. This is for you.

BROKEN VOWS (Lucas & Emilia Book 1) by ArianaClarkAuthor

Choosing her cost me everything I'd ever loved... including her. It's why I left the small town where I grew up and vowed never to return. I'm no longer the "golden boy with a bright future" they all remember. Instead, I carry the scars of a tortured past. A broken man deemed unfit, even by the Navy SEALs he'd dedicated the past decade to serve. What was supposed to be a quick trip to sell my parents' property turned into this twisted journey that forced me to confront my demons. And then there she was. My first love, and deepest regret. The woman who still owns every piece of my blackened heart. When she asked for my time, I couldn't refuse. Now I can't walk away. Not after hearing of the danger her husband, a missing FBI agent, has brought to her doorstep. After everything, I owe her my help. It's why I offer to protect her and her two little girls from the danger circling them. It's a vow I never should have made, given the trail of bodies I've left in my wake. Like the harbinger of death, I'm the last man either of us should trust. In the Broken Redemption Series, one man's vow to protect the woman he lost becomes a battle between redemption, forgiveness, and the kind of love that refuses to let go. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lucas & Emilia's story begins here: Book 1 of their Broken Redemption arc. Each couple's love story in the Broken Redemption Series is told over multiple books and forms a complete arc within this collection of connected romances set in the small town of Ruby Creek. There's no required reading order, but if you'd like to start at the very beginning, you're right where you belong. Lucas & Emilia are the first couple, followed by James & Annelly, whose story begins with Broken Misery (Broken Redemption Series - Book 1 of their arc).

An Extraordinary Life by anordinarywoman

My fifty years of good or bad heartfelt life experiences written in honest, bold and direct expressions. I believe my purpose and mission are to live a passionate life and share my interesting story with the world to inspire and touch people in many ways. I took two years to write and two years to revise and edit it with the help of my third child and two professional editors. After being turned down and advised by hundred of publishers to turn my story into a novel. I kept trying but couldn't do it as it is not in me. So until last September my very special new family doctor agreed to be my first reader and gave me good comments with excitement, I decided to self publish it with the help of my youngest child. I hope to grow as a writer, and be able to share more stories with you all. During the ten years wait, I have moved out from the unsafe home and living a wonderful and happy life that I am ready to write and share my An Extraordinary Life and it continues with you all. Please tell me how you truly feel about it and share it.

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Slide 1 of 10

Melancholy cover

The Trials cover

Finding Happiness (Book 1 comes before and ties in to You Series) cover

Eternal Echoes cover

Learning to live beyond survival cover

At just 13 cover

BROKEN VOWS (Lucas & Emilia Book 1) cover

An Extraordinary Life cover

Melancholy

She hated them. They loved her with everything in them. The universe truly has a sick way of telling you it's there, doesn't it? From being kidnapped to being abused, that was all Arabella saw in life. It was all she ever knew. They tell you to keep fighting but sometimes you realize... you were just a child. Now she's built herself up using her pain as the next step to her strength. She's learnt how to strive forward even as her past haunts her mind crawling up her back every passing second. That is until the first 7 people who only ever brought her pain find their way back into her life. She has no way to let go of her past when they come right back to her. The world showed her no mercy in it's ways so why should she. ~~~ I let out a small sigh wanting more of this. I wanted to be held like this whenever I felt broken. Feel the way he puts me back together in his arms. It ate at my heart and I could have sworn I felt a feathery kiss on my head. It was as if he could hear my thoughts and was kissing them away for me. Slowly he lets one hand go, the other staying around me as he brings my chin up to him gently wiping my last tears as more fill my eyes. He sees this and his eyes look... crumbled. If you feel this way then why can't you choose me, Dominic. I shake my head from his hands wishing to step back but he pulls me back to him a pain filled groan leaving him. "Just one more minute. Please." His body shook and I brought him closer, feeling our pain become one. Our hurricanes of minds pull away even for the smallest time letting us stand together as one in each other's embrace. He was it for me. But I wasn't his.