Needles to Song
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A woman in her late 20s has everything that she needs to live. However, she struggles to keep herself alive. Every day she battles within herself and the world around her.
Plastering a smile on her face isn't much of a big deal. - Who likes looking at a sour face? - Making people around her happy during the day (or in public spaces) with her wits, charms, silly jokes and innuendos; she is deemed to be socially acceptable and normal.
She has amazing "poker face" skills - people are much comfortable around her if she shows less feelings on her face. She is much acceptable if she shares less about herself. She is much acceptable if she only follows everyone elses' beat instead of her own.
She goes on because she doesn't want to cause pain in anyone's life. Her lie has been so elaborately acceptable than the truths she wish to speak and be spoken to. She doesn't want to die knowing that people will have a chance to blame her and accuse her cheaply or hurt anyone in her family for if she successfully manages to rip the life from within herself.
Deep in her heart and mind, she knows that she is beating her soul breathless every day. In the confinements of her personal space; she cries herself to sleep, she soothes herself by telling herself "I am fine, I am okay" -ignoring every drop of tear rolling down her cheeks. She curls herself into a ball in rolls of her blanket into an almost fetal position, shutting her eyes forcefully like it is the only way she can escape from the daymares that scare her soul cold.
"Life is torture; death serves justice for my soul. I await the day for when I gain enough courage to break free from the cage that is my very physical existence."
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"But you said! you told me you love me!" I yelled at her tears streaming down my face. She looks at me and shrugs smiling, "I didn't mean it. I was just playing around. Wanted to know what it was like. And you know I love him." "You wrote it! 'If I love you was a promise would you break it if your honest' it was a promise! you can't break a promise!" I sob out clenching the end of my shirt tightly. "How old are you? Fucking 10? Promises are made to be broken. At least I'm being true to staying honest. Wake up y/n, this is reality. I'm not even gay! I was just curious." She says rolling her eyes. "So you chose me to play with? To hurt? You think my feelings aren't valid just because I'm a lesbian? So you play with my feelings! You're just a selfish bitch! I fucking hate you Billie!" I yell unable to control my emotions anymore. "Okay? Well if that was it, I'm leaving. Brandon's waiting for me in the car." She says with a laugh. I look up to met her ocean eyes filled with amusement and accomplishment. I look at her with disgust and walk away. Away from her, hopefully forever.
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