Stuck In A Shuttle
  • Reads 621
  • Votes 98
  • Parts 32
  • Time 2h 1m
  • Reads 621
  • Votes 98
  • Parts 32
  • Time 2h 1m
Complete, First published Feb 09, 2019
There's probably  a  ton of  reasons why  you  are  feeling  the way  you are  feeling  at this very  moment.  Sometimes emotions just sneak up on us without our realization and we drown our  pains or sorrows by  adapting  to a certain pattern of living. We  develop coping  mechanisms per se.  What if there  was  a  reason why  you experienced what  you experienced?  Your  pain  could be the  very  thing  that microphones  your way  to the  person  you are  meant to become.  It could be  a  highway  through which people could walk on in order to find the  hope  they  are  looking  for. Why you?  Why  does it  have  to  be  you?  Why  not anybody  else? Better  yet! Why  not  you?  Have  you ever asked  yourself that question?  Pretty  silly  huh?  Really  though, why shouldn't  you be  in that  position right now?  Why  should it be  anyone  else?  What if your situation could be  the  answer you were  desperately  looking  for?  You can either  look at your pain in  your own perspective  or  you  could tilt the angle  a  bit  and change  the  focus.  What if  you were  looking at it all wrong  and asking the wrong  questions?
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This is my truth

72 parts Ongoing

My life has been an intense journey from a little girl who was beaten down and abused into believing that she was worthless, to a woman at 43 years of age who is still desperately searching for who she truly is. I found her though. I did. And she writes like me, from inside of me. She is me. This girl that I've been in love with since time first existed, is indeed me. The way that she walks. With her hands... and how she talks? The hearts that she's captured, the souls that she has inspired. I'm now trying to be her. I've never felt that I was good enough to actually be myself!!! I always knew how pure and clear and free I was inside. But people told me otherwise, in a very cruel way. No one ever spared my feelings or thought to speak to me with kindness or love. My parents were very serious and strict people. They believed that there was only 1 way to act and inside I knew that I did NOT fit in the parameters of the behavior expected of me. And every single time I made my Step Daddy sigh or frown it felt like I knife in my heart. I was a let down. Always too loud. Always moving too much. Always too fat and always too ugly. Always too much. Unless I sat quietly. But I've always been a firecracker and all of that containment really made me want to blow off! All of what was inside of me, swirling and dividing in me. Burying the side of me that I loved the most! I was a bastard and a blasphemy. Harsh words for a girl of 3. They said them when they baptized me.