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Darkness...
Everything around me is made out of darkness. Why, why do I have to be the one that's going through all of this, why is every person in my life I get a little attached to ending up dead and the most important question; Why am I still even here.
I mean... I can just end it all. Right here and right now, there is not one person left that cares about me anyways. It's all because of that stupid, stupid deal my 'family' made before I was born.
Ever since I was young I felt this emptiness. an emptiness that stayed with me and inside me, an emptiness that was so empty my heart hurt with every single breath I took. I couldn't bare with it anymore, i just couldn't. It was too hard for me to accept it and deal with it. So I ran. I ran far far away.
But... I ran into the wrong direction. I ran towards a place that was even darker. Darker than the memories that were imprinted in my head, darker than the black that was inside my mind and my soul...
I drowned into darkness.
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***this book contains suicidal thoughts and tendencies, may not be appropriate for younger audiences*** In which she looks for the purpose of life. Lily Carter's parents died in a car crash leaving her and Laura, girl was depressed long before her parents passed away and with all the problems turning up now, Lily felt more miserable - if that's even possible. With her journey to look for life's purpose and grab the small pinch of HOPE - which is ironically her second name -, will she finally snap at the pressure and finally end it all? or will a small light lit her darkened world of grief and loneliness? * "So you know. The little goth girl who gets bullied is indeed a mess. There's this mess in her head that eats her alive everyday isn't it? What to do now Kaden? Tell the whole neighborhood and recieve an award for taking out a crazy in this world?" I spit like vomit. His eyes warmed up as I finished, "Lily. It isn't like that" "What is it then? People stopped caring... they gave up, why aren't you?" I fought my tears. "Because I feel the need to care. Did Leigh hurt you? Did she hit you?" he finally noticed the unusual redness of my cheek. I don't like the way he told me he needed to care for me. I felt like an obligation, a responsibility that he is carrying and carrying leads to getting tired and when people gets tired, they give up. I don't want them to give up on me. But they will, so it's good not to make them care for me in the first place. "I never needed anyone. I stopped needing anyone before, why start now?" I uttered the words again. Why? There is nothing to fight for. No mama. No papa. No sister to love me. No one. So why would I waste my life and the time of others to fix what is already broken - and someone who doesn't want to be fixed? If I may add. Maybe I gave up. No, scratch that. I gave up a long time ago - when my parents died, my hope and purpose went away with them.
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