Unfiltered Trains Thought
- MGA BUMASA 130
- Mga Boto 7
- Mga Parte 6
I thought I might copy some of my journal entries onto Wattpad. These are all my candid, and unfiltered thoughts. I'm 18 now, but I've been journaling on and off since I could read and write. Like anyone, I've endured some hardships- family issues, depression, anxiety. Many of my entries center around my experience with Anorexia and Bulimia. The bulk of the earlier experiences I discuss were written during the time I spent inside a residential facility (in other words, a mental hospital) for my eating disorder. I will give a quick heads up to those who might find that triggering when those topics do crop up. So, if you're still here, then I hope you get something out of reading my darkest, as well as some very contemplative trains of thought with some goofy crap writing in between.
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#69
journalentry
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4. Memories and Feelings That Still Haunt Me
I've cried too hard for too long as I debated death. Over and over, all I wanted was a quick overdose, a quick way to escape the pain. Until the guilt set it and made me realise, suicide feels too selfish. Instead I turned my sadness into art and my pain into strength. Desperately wanting to carve up my skin, I bled on a page. My screams are silent, hidden behind closed doors, And computer screens. All these horrible emotions kept secret in notebooks. I'm too afraid to speak about it, so I write it down That's how my poetry is made. ~The birth of poetry -Me ____ First place in 2021 Irenic Awards poetry catergory Highest rankings: #16 original work #2 relapsingKumpleto
It Wasn't Love ✔️
"Fuck." He whispers into my neck, sending a thrill of excitement through my body. His lips still smothered kisses over my neck and his hands roamed my body, starting at my chest, going down to my stomach. Caressing my soft skin, his thumb trailed circles on my groin before slightly slipping into the waistband of my jeans. My breath catches in my throat as I pull at the hoodie that covered his chiselled body. Understanding, Jacob pulls it off in one swift movement before attaching his lips back on my neck. Sucking and biting it before flicking his tongue over the sore spot. A quiet moan leaves my mouth and I clasp my hand over it, denying any noise to escape. "You drive me fucking crazy, Aria." ---------------------------- Aria Bailey finds it hard to fit in. Her parents are always busy and never have time for her. She lives alone at her family home and has top grades in all of her classes. But being a 17 year old friendless nerd comes with its disadvantages. The bullying gets worse every single day, driving her to self harm and suicidal thoughts. Aria learns more about popular boy, Jacob Rickson and starts developing feelings for the well known 18 year old. Jacob helps her come out of her shell and learn to be more comfortable and confident. Aria has to make a tough decision by choosing if she would rather be with Jacob and be bullied by her mind for eternity, or to leave and be left alone, exactly how she wants to be. -Strangers to lovers -Right person, wrong timeKumpleto
The Diary of Me
I have marked this story as "completed" but I don't know if it will ever actual be complete. This is my journal, my secrets, my thoughts. This is The Diary of Me.Kumpleto
Sit Still, Look Pretty || COMPLETE (Book 1)
My hands instinctively move to his hair as I fall into a bliss of pleasure. His lips trail from my jaw to my shoulder, making my body burn and tingle. "Mmmm." I moan softly, pulling at his hair. He slowly lays back on the bed, taking me with him. "I like that sound." He smirks, making me blush. "Shut up." I whisper, making him chuckle. I lean down and take his lips in mine, cutting off his laugh. ************************************** Riley is a 15 year old girl who has had a tough life. Her mum hates her, her dad is dead, her ex is an abusive, egotistical dumbass and she is forced to work as a model with her ex's close friend. Her world is tipped upside down after arriving in NYC with her mother and sister for a photoshoot. This is where she meets Noah. Tall, dark and handsome, exactly what she needs to chase the monsters away. Except, what if he is one? And what if they are destined to be together? ♧♤♤♧♤♤♧♤♤♧♤♤♧♤♤♧♤♤♧♤♤♧♤♤♧♤♤♧ Started: 9th October 2017 Finished: 12th April 2018 In this book, there is mention of Anorexia, depression and sexual harassment. (Mature content - 17+)Kumpleto
Abigail
(In editing) She's depressed. She's anorexic. She's suicidal. She's insecure. Abigail has grown up with her three brothers and James, never meeting her parents, who abandoned her at birth. Her brothers were left to take care of her and keep a roof over their heads. Everyday they struggle to take care of Abigail, while working to keep them in their home. Life for them is hard. Life for Abigail is even harder. She has a dark mind and not by choice. Somewhere along the way she's developed these feelings of loneliness and hopelessness. Everyday is a struggle for her and just getting out of bed is a success. She meets Zach, a bad boy with a bad reputation. He starts off as a tutor, just to help her out, out of pity. But eventually feelings get involved and Abigail finds herself liking a boy for the first time in her life. Things get serious and she somehow learns about his drug dealing business. Everything gets hectic and Abigail doesn't know what to do with her life anymore. Or if she even wants to live.Kumpleto
Dim.
Tired of trying to be everything. Trying to be perfect. Wrong paths and wrong people and missed opportunities. Am I letting my mental illness take over my life? A look into the mind of a BPD, Anxiety ridden woman. With no identity but her Panic. With my ways it's hard to keep down anything healthy, relationships that don't last but stay with me like my own personal demons. And evil around the corner you'd never see coming. The pain changes you. Trauma changes you. It strips you away from yourself. BPD strips away your identity sometimes I guess this is my way of finding myself again, through writing and reflecting and realizing it is okay to be hurting. This book will include poetry and scenes and think pieces. It will be vulnerable. It will be raw. It will remind you of your own loss. - "She." Xx🥀xXKumpleto
Lost
Sometimes, I'm not always sure what to do. I feel like I'm always wrong, like I'm never good enough. I'm invisible and it's as if I don't exist. If I really didn't exist, I don't think anyone would care. I'm all alone in this great big world, I'm lost. Maddie has never been good enough for anyone. Her perfect sister, Megan, always manages to outshine her. Her father never pays attention to her, because he's always worried about Megan. Every Tuesday and Thursday, Maddie goes to group therapy, where she shares her feelings. Every week it's the same thing, until Maddie gets a new lab partner: Zach Williams, every girl's dream date. WARNING: I wrote this book when I was really, really young. It is very poorly written and has a TON of grammatical errors. I'm working on editing/rewriting this.Kumpleto
I Can't
TW! Eating disorders, self harm, rape, panic attack, alcohol, suicidal thoughts/attempt While streaming one day, some people in the chat comment on George's weight. He laughs it off in the moment but starts to watch what he eats and work out more. Eventually he eats less and less and tries to convince himself and others he's just not hungry or he's on a diet. But it all goes downhill from there. Disclaimer! This is just a fanfiction! It's not real and I am in no way trying to insult any of the dsmp members. :) For anyone struggling right now, I promise it gets better. A glow stick has to break before it glows. (cringey I know but it's true) Love you all! <3Kumpleto
I've cried too hard for too long as I debated death. Over and over, all I wanted was a quick overdose, a quick way to escape the pain. Until the guilt set it and made me realise, suicide feels too selfish. Instead I turned my sadness into art and my pain into strength. Desperately wanting to carve up my skin, I bled on a page. My screams are silent, hidden behind closed doors, And computer screens. All these horrible emotions kept secret in notebooks. I'm too afraid to speak about it, so I write it down That's how my poetry is made. ~The birth of poetry -Me ____ First place in 2021 Irenic Awards poetry catergory Highest rankings: #16 original work #2 relapsing
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