they're broken

This is one of my dysphoric meltdowns that I had recently. I thought sharing it and typing it out might help me feel better.
I'm not expecting anyone to read it, but for anyone who does, I'm going to warn you now. This involves cursing, cutting, self-destructive thoughts, dysphoric thoughts, and some words I used towards myself that might seriously trigger someone. If you can't handle that, please don't make me the reason for anyone getting hurt or hurting themselves.
This story is for me to try and heal or help myself separate from it in a way that allows me to step away. There will be other breakdowns and panic attacks and what I've deemed my 'dysphoric attacks' that I will probably add later on.