Connecting/Thoughts
- Reads 34
- Votes 2
- Parts 4
MatureOngoing10m
Last published Sat, Aug 3, 2019
⚠ Warning ⚠ Some of the things I write here are sad and may influence some bad thoughts or trigger something. I wrote this because these thoughts I write down here can connect to probably a lot of people out there. People are going through hard things every day and so am I. I know how it feels, believe me, from the first breath I took I was introduced to hell and I had to walk through it. I know how it feels too afraid that no one will come for you, I know the feeling of being alone, I know the feeling that makes you just want to end everything right there and then. So I write them here. So those people who do feel that excruciating pain every day know that they are not alone. And to let them know that they can go farther if they make the right choices. I know this from experience. I may not be that old yet but like I said, I know a little more than a 13-year-old should know or go through at this point. I know I haven't been through it all. I know that in some cases I have it a lot better but I know that I still don't have it easy. So I want everyone out there that do feel this feeling, like I said before, know that they were never alone and that they shouldn't doubt themselves.
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I’m not a fighter in the traditional sense. I will suffer first, and sort out the pain later. But I don’t give up. I grew up in a bubble of privilege, while all I’ve ever wanted to do was live underground. Everything started early. The name-calling pushed me into becoming anti-social. I spoke exclusively to my worst best friend and the alternate persona in my head. I spent years like this, feeling completely alone. I convinced myself that I didn’t need other people. I would become smarter than them, reading and studying. I would find my own fun, watching late night TV and going to concerts. I wasn’t just sad. I was depressed. And the reason seemed insignificant. It all started over the loss of some playground boyfriend. I tried to be anorexic, but instead I wound up eating more. I wanted to stay asleep and avoid the tragedy that replayed in my head everyday. I was sick of the world I was in. I wanted to commit suicide. One day I heard a song on the radio that introduced me to a new genre of music. It was an electric shock to my system, and suddenly I had a reason to go on living. I discovered that melancholy was perfectly normal. I understood that I had the power to change things, and navigate my own future. Appetizer is a memoir of extreme social anxiety. It is approximately 350 pages (78,700 words). I have also written an extensive outline, detailing each chapter. Appetizer chronicles the anguish that many have experienced growing up, while emphasizing the importance of never giving up hope. The story offers solutions in not being able to relate to your peers, or anybody else for that matter. By reading Appetizer, I hope to help people feel less alone, and gain a more empathic understanding of humanity as a whole.
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