my meth story
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40, HIV+, White, Has used Crystal
From the time I was a young boy, religion was a very important part of my life. My father died when I was nine and I had absolutely no doubt that he had gone to heaven and took comfort in the fact that I would see him again. Around this time, I began having feelings for other boys.
I recall our parish priest preach that he could understand aid for homeless people, but aid for people with AIDS was taking things too far. He was basically saying that they were getting what they deserved and no one should try to help them.
When I was 19, I began to drink and drug to bury my feelings and prayed that God would me make straight. I gained a lot of weight and struggled for many years with a food addiction. For years afterwards, I had sex with men but could not stay in a relationship because I did not believe I was worthy of being loved. I had anonymous sex just to feel good, but I was so ashamed of my behavior that I compartmentalized my life. Guilt and sham
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Shanté: You were in her room, Jonathan! Jonathan: Ok, ok, I understand that but- Shanté: No, just shut up, ok! You hurt me. Badly. And- Jonathan: You hurt me too, Shanté. Quit playing victim all the damn time. Shanté: Well then I guess we shouldn't be together. We shouldn't talk, we shouldn't text, we shouldn't anything. We just might hurt each other again. He tears up which causes me to tear up. I let my tears run down my face & he continues to fight his tears but there's one that's at the literal edge of his eye waiting to be free Jonathan: ...but we're in love. Shanté: Well we're just going to have to be in love from afar. Jonathan: Shanté, I JUST got you back. Please. I can't...I can't lose you again. The tear that was on the edge of his eye finally drops & another falls out the other. I look into the eyes I once fell in love with & force myself to say Shanté: ...I can't do this anymore. *leaves* 🚨🚨🚨🚨Cuss words, sexual content, & n-word use🚨🚨🚨🚨 -I posted this story last year but decided to make a couple of changes🙂- Ps - Every character in this story is black EXCEPT for Elizabeth😗✌️
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