Most people agree that drinking alone is both the saddest, and at times most effective way to drown out life. And that's exactly what Ryann did, drink alone. That was until she met.. him. Her favorite drinking partner, whom gained the affectionate nickname of 'baby blue'. In part because every time they met one of them, if not both got too shitfaced to remember much of anything, including names. But mostly because of his eyes, which were, in Ryann's opinion, a blue like no other. Perfectly cold like ice, yet warm like the crystal waters of a beach. She could never mistake those eyes. He was a man of many mysteries though, giving nothing but the name 'John', no last name, never eluding to his past, his family, or how he had so much damn money. He never explained why he had so many tattoos, or why he was so hollow.. Ryann didn't mind too much though, because at least she wasn't alone. But like everything, that didn't last for long. One day John just stopped showing up at the bar, Everyone said he had family business. Drinking alone doesn't always drown out life though, and at some point you have to pick yourself up, and at the age 22 that's what Ryann decided to do. Joining the police academy, and working up to a deputy. It was fun, adrenaline inducing, and such a filler of time, it drowned everything out. But how much is too much? Obviously Ryann didn't get the memo, and dove head first into a mission she knew nothing about, one that lead her to cult, and to someone she though she had long lost.
(Sorry for the shitty description, I'm not too good at them. Yes this is a FC5 fic. I'm bored and I had an idea, let's see how it goes. There is a name I've chosen, because i don't want to constantly type (y/n) but anything you want to change about her, go ahead. I'm just gonna model it myself for the most part though. This is mostly JohnXFem!Dep, but if there's anything else you want to see let me know)
@chaosisdelightful don't judge me. I can feel you. Stop.
***this book contains suicidal thoughts and tendencies, may not be appropriate for younger audiences***
In which she looks for the purpose of life.
Lily Carter's parents died in a car crash leaving her and Laura, girl was depressed long before her parents passed away and with all the problems turning up now, Lily felt more miserable - if that's even possible.
With her journey to look for life's purpose and grab the small pinch of HOPE - which is ironically her second name -, will she finally snap at the pressure and finally end it all? or will a small light lit her darkened world of grief and loneliness?
*
"So you know. The little goth girl who gets bullied is indeed a mess. There's this mess in her head that eats her alive everyday isn't it? What to do now Kaden? Tell the whole neighborhood and recieve an award for taking out a crazy in this world?" I spit like vomit.
His eyes warmed up as I finished, "Lily. It isn't like that"
"What is it then? People stopped caring... they gave up, why aren't you?" I fought my tears.
"Because I feel the need to care. Did Leigh hurt you? Did she hit you?" he finally noticed the unusual redness of my cheek.
I don't like the way he told me he needed to care for me. I felt like an obligation, a responsibility that he is carrying and carrying leads to getting tired and when people gets tired, they give up. I don't want them to give up on me. But they will, so it's good not to make them care for me in the first place.
"I never needed anyone. I stopped needing anyone before, why start now?" I uttered the words again.
Why?
There is nothing to fight for. No mama. No papa. No sister to love me. No one. So why would I waste my life and the time of others to fix what is already broken - and someone who doesn't want to be fixed? If I may add.
Maybe I gave up. No, scratch that. I gave up a long time ago - when my parents died, my hope and purpose went away with them.