A deliberation towards authentic freedom

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I am who I am. I know, i have proved many times how strong i was,am and will be. But what judgment i am actualy in? No matter how i smiled from ear to ear, i still lost count of what it is i am really looking for about that suppreses this sadness from coming out. I dont know, i lived in this world empty. I have the enough of everything, and that i considered myself blessed but i feel less of life in it.
A force that i cannot explain sink me through this deep thoughts , situations, it suppresses me from expressing real genuine happiness. This story talks everything about my life, may it be what happen today, in the past , and any thing that comes out in my mind most probably about semantic relationships Currently. It has consumed the best of me and it is now coming to influencing my whole being. I can only count few of my weaknesses and love tops of it.