Naughty Limericks - rubyspoetry - Wattpad

Story cover for Naughty Limericks by rubyspoetry

Naughty Limericks

Reads 652
Votes 50
Parts 15
Time <5 mins

Reads 652
Votes 50
Parts 15
Time <5 mins

Mature

adulthumor funny humor limerick naughty rhyme sexual

This is a collection of naughty limericks  I wrote  between 2010 to 2015 while I was working up at the oil sands. * They were meant for a laugh, not to be taken seriously, so if you offend easily, this poetry may not be for you.  Other workers up there would ask me to write one for them - first name base only, so I would as long as they told me they would  not to be offended.  At first I wrote for the men, but then the women also wanted me to do a limerick for them. I started off writing nice limericks for my female co-workers, but they said they wanted me to write them naughty ones too.  I got a lot of laughs at camp.All Rights Reserved

adulthumor funny humor limerick naughty rhyme sexual

Table of contents

15 parts

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Mayonnaise x Waxed Lightly Weathered Cut Copper Stairs by ceravehcb

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Tough Love by melissalynn88

I wanted a baby. I really, wanted to have a baby... It wasn't an option of wanted one right now, given my super-hot boyfriend already knocked me up... I was going to have a baby. I just had to tell him... Need to tell him. Enter the problem. My stepdaughter. I loved her. She hated me. Absolutely normal. She was daddy's little angel and could do no wrong in his eyes. She didn't want a sibling... Like she had a say in it. Back to my super-hot builder boyfriend, more correctly, my super fine baby daddy. I had to drop the B-BOMB. Shouldn't be too hard, right? Ugh, maybe... We weren't not trying to get pregnant, but we weren't trying either. We were just having a lot of sex. Great. Mind-blowing sex! Legs shaking... kind of sex! I thought he'd be happy about it.. I thought she'd get over it.. I thought maybe after nearly eight years together, he'd put a damn ring on it. You see my point? Tantrums. Fighting. Tears. One hell of a night later, and no one seem to have seen my point.

Pregnant by a billionaire by SweetTiana15

I never would have expected for me to get knocked up, especially by someone I barely know. It was supposed to be a one night stand at first, well somewhat. But I got so much more out of this.

From Horses to Skateboards by hmarieh1218

I search for a cup, but don't see one so Will pulls one out from under the machine. What a stupid place to hide the cups. Who's going to see that? I position it under the hole it came out of and wait, but nothing happens. "Oh." I mock. "Is this one voice-activated?" Will turns around to glance at me since he was checking out a group of girls in bikini tops and shorts. Yeah, that's totally girlfriend material. Not. "Pour!" I order, but the machine keeps moving in a circle, mixing the green goo. "Open! Spill! Fill!" "Stop it!" Will yells, taking the cup and pulling a lever until green goo comes out. "What is wrong with you?" "I thought it did it by itself." I mumble as I realize the group of girls is staring at me and laughing. Great. So much for making friends. Will walks to the counter, too embarrassed to look at the girls and slaps the cups on the counter. "Money." He orders, holding out his hand. I reach in my boot, pull it out and slap it into his hand. He looks disgusted, but hands it to the lady anyways. "You are so not in Kansas anymore."

anonymous by c-araphernelia

anonymous: why you gotta be so rude? alex-burke: no (c) c-araphernelia 2014 !! lowercase intended !! **pls no hate bc i wrote this a long time ago and i hate myself **

The Dark Poems In My Head by BookOfSpecialThings

This is those little whispering poems that weasel their way into my wonderful brain. Don't know how this'll turn out, but, you know how it goes! Lets try something new! It is mature because some of this shit is bad! Extremely! Not sexual, but words and phrasing. (Completed. It has 100 parts, and even more poems. Please be careful if you read this. Some are bad, to be blatant. But still, trigger warning.)

Naughty Boss by Evanstan1930

I was slightly drunk and horny, and I was frustrated. Mainly because I haven't had sex with someone in over a year. So I decided to slide into someone's DM's for fun. Only it wasn't fun, it was hot, sexy, and dirty. I didn't imagine this guy would be so good at dirty talking, he had an effect on me through the phone and I could only imagine what he'd do on person. I was having fun texting him one afternoon at work and when my boss called me to his office. I tried to look like I wasn't completely turned on. Until I noticed the massive bulge on his pants and our whole conversation on his phone screen. No, it can't be. I haven't been sexting my boss all this time. My sex on legs boss has a dirty mouth and huge dick. Oh, fuck me. Literally.

Cocky Captain by KellyMoore2

It was the stupidest thing I'd ever done-flying halfway around the world, to a man I thought I might fall in love with. My raging hormones got in the way before I even boarded the plane. A hot military man, or should I say god, was standing behind me in line, staring at me with his steely gray eyes that were piercing my libido. More like awakening the sexual goddess in me, aka the virgin. From the moment he opened his cocky mouth and sat down next to me on the plane, I wanted him...no, I mean I hated him. A girl could get confused by a sexy beast in a uniform. My head wanted the sensible, sweet man, but my heart evidently wanted the cocky captain. If my journey taught me anything, it's that people are not always what they seem.

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Slide 1 of 8

Mayonnaise x Waxed Lightly Weathered Cut Copper Stairs cover

Tough Love cover

Pregnant by a billionaire cover

From Horses to Skateboards cover

anonymous cover

The Dark Poems In My Head cover

Naughty Boss cover

Cocky Captain cover

Mayonnaise x Waxed Lightly Weathered Cut Copper Stairs

This is a little romance for my two lovely straight male friends. Okay maybe minus the romance at this point... We try to be extremely interactive with comments! Unless you're a bot advertising some scam Insta. All characters do exist in real life (but are heavily altered for funsies and anonymity). Any scenarios or stories featured, however, are about 84.26015379% made up (but this description is a clean 100% untrustworthy!!) Each chapter basically consists of excessive swearing and way too many random events, but trust me when I say it's not THAT bad. You'll survive, hopefully.