Journal
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- Parts 5
Ongoing5m
Last published Mon, May 13, 2019
Could be triggering.... I honestly don't know anymore. I don't recommend anyone to read this. This is mostly going to be my thoughts and my latter to my family. I thought this was the best place because don't want anyone to know and on here I can change my name. Im not looking for attention or help just a place I can't get things off my chest and not worry about anyone around me knowing.
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Texting.
"I met the love of my life today. I met fans today. He smiled at me. They were sweet. We took a picture. I took a lot of pictures. I hugged him. So many of them were hugging me. I told him he was my world. Some of them said nice things. I wanted to be different. She was acting different. I introduced myself. She told me her name but I can't remember. He's my world. She's a fan. I love him. I love my fans." WARNING THIS MAY HAVE TRIGGERS, MAINLY ON THE SUBJECT OF ANOREXIA AND DEPRESSION AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS WILL BE A TRIGGER TO YOU OR IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THE SUBJECTS.Complete
Not me. (2023)
so, I've been struggling for a long time now, and I never told anyone about it. I've never opened up. but I met someone who understands how I feel, and I'm beginning to feel again. I don't know how to do it, but I finally feel I can fight. I've been so exhausted. I'm not better, I'm not sure if i ever will be, but I'm not numb, not entirely. I can't say how I'm feeling, or what i am going to write, but if you want it, it's here. This is for you. For everyone who was made to be the villain by those meant to be by their sides. For everyone with a sensitive heart made to grow strong much too quickly. For everyone who struggles to get out of bed in the morning. For everyone who never could find the words to say why. For everyone who struggles to feel and for everyone who feels too much. For everyone who had to pick themselves back up. For everyone who had to parent themselves. For everyone fighting an invisible battle. For everyone who has been underestimated. For everyone who has to flee to other worlds to cope. For everyone who found other means to silence their voices. For everyone who was silenced. For everyone who was over powered. For everyone who was made to be less. For everyone who had to watch someone else suffer and stay silent. For everyone asking themselves, why? Why would you do this? What did I do? Why is this happening to me? It was never your fault.Complete
You don't know me
⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ Not for the faint of heart, I explore dark parts of my mind and unfurl them for your own enjoyment. All of these stories are true. You don't know me, and you're never going to. This is basically just a shitty diary of my life with very few details as to who I am, Don't want to scare you off. Feel free to read but I don't really care. I'm just a screwed up guy that everyone knows and nobody cares about really. If you can't tell I'll probably swear quite a bit in this so if you don't like that I'm sorry, but this really isn't a good read anyway it's just me complaining about the fact I still exist. Actually no, whilst I did start this to complain about my life, the stories are fluctuating, as I discover I am infact worthy of love, even I don't believe it at all times. I hope you enjoy my rantings. ⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
Tainted
I'm stuck. Nowhere to go, no way out. I just have to sit here and hope whoever I get sold off to is going to at least give me some freedom. Though I highly doubt it. The way things are going for me here anyway, it's not like I have any hope at surviving, let alone living. Whoever get's me is probably going to be worse than here and I can not stop it. Can I?Complete
Drowning In Sorrow- Poetry
*Trigger Warning* Suicide, cutting, depression, abuse, self harm, death etc. ~I didn't know happiness as well as I know sorrow ❤️ Stay strong ❤️Complete![Heart of Fury - Stone and Fire # 2 [17+]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/349318920-256-k805469.jpg)
Heart of Fury - Stone and Fire # 2 [17+]
College? No, this was paradise. Three years filled with partying, not so secret underground drug-deals, and hot-headed men sliding into beds like snakes with no self-control. Things were different now. I wasn't that perfect, frill-wearing angel Mama thought would walk into the house ring-beared. So many things had changed, except for one. Him. He was a disease, one I couldn't get rid of no matter how hard I tried. Everytime he's near, I feel myself turn into something I've never seen before. Like there's something under my skin only he is capable of bringing out. He's manipulative, twisted, and completely wrong in every way. I hate him. Yet every night, from miles away, I find him in my dreams. Mikhail Volkov Fuck the patriarchy. Better yet, fuck everything and everyone. It was a game of cat and mouse, me chasing victories every single day. The Bratva's constant want for war was what kept the fuel in my blood, burning up into flames whenever my knuckles made contact with another opponent. In the end, I'm always the one left standing. This fire in my bones, I feel it burst into flames while every dark memory, thought and desire runs into my fists. So many medals, but only the people around me could see them. The real battle was against my head. And maybe, just maybe, I was afraid to admit that I had no chance in winning it. She makes it harder. An angel with wings to everyone else, yet a master at unveiling those devil's horns only when I'm near. There's this darkness, this fire, in the both of us. The only difference is, she's better at hiding it. She was gone, far away, yet there was this tether dowsed in fuel connecting us, one that only lit up when she came back. Every time she's near, I feel the limits surrounding my wrath being tested. Then again, rules are only made to be broken, right? Mafia Dark Romance *Standalone*Complete
Depressive quotes
The title says it all. *TRIGGER WARNING* Remember these are depressive quotes, so please if you get triggered easily, please just do not read. If you do, then... well... I can't really stop you... IMPORTANT: I only began all of this when I was about 12 or 13 years old, so there is a chance that there are a few mistakes here and there since I was really bad at english back then. Also these qoute books have been on hold for a while and I have only just been able to begin to get them up and running again, so please, if you find any mistakes just leave a comment real quick and I will fix it as soon as possible. thank you and I hope you enjoy - Kayden❤ *completed*Complete
Heavenly Sin (EDITING)
"I could kill you," he grins holding the gun to my temple. "I wouldn't be scared," I reminded him. He trails the gun under my chin lifting it, allowing me to look him in the eyes. "No one would know you were murdered by me," he continues making me smile. "I think I might have a gun kink;" I tell him while holding eye contact. "Fuck," he mutters as he smashes his lip onto mine, •••• The crimson colour pools beneath me as I let him twist the dagger that had been living in my heart since the day we had met. Sometimes we settle for the love we think we deserve only because are parents didn't portray it better therefore we think the bare minimum is over the top. ••••Complete
"I met the love of my life today. I met fans today. He smiled at me. They were sweet. We took a picture. I took a lot of pictures. I hugged him. So many of them were hugging me. I told him he was my world. Some of them said nice things. I wanted to be different. She was acting different. I introduced myself. She told me her name but I can't remember. He's my world. She's a fan. I love him. I love my fans." WARNING THIS MAY HAVE TRIGGERS, MAINLY ON THE SUBJECT OF ANOREXIA AND DEPRESSION AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS WILL BE A TRIGGER TO YOU OR IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THE SUBJECTS.
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