YOU'RE GONE...

I am writing these sentences while thin pain in my heart. It's difficult to breathe. Thin pain in my nose. My eyes are full and full. Tears are falling down my face. Something big in my throat gives pain that minds me gulp down. Heavy thing inside me. Too heavy to lift it...
Dear classmate. We both sat in the front row. Because I was small and you because your eyes were seeing weak. You would look through the thick glass glasses always with light smile on your eyes.
We were only eleven or twelve and on our sixth grade. We had lots of wishes... childish.
You really loved to help others. You were such a kind girl I ever knew. And I feel so lucky for that. Because I met and knew you, saw your beautiful soul, pure heart, big thoughts.
Last day... In the morning early hours. Thursday. Car Crash. Death.
The day before the last saddest day we promised each other that we would fetch some knitting things to busy with. I kept my promise. I know you did too. Although it was not lucky to see. We almost had same hobbies, interests. Even our birthdays were same, with a day difference only.
I am on 5th April, you are on 6th April. Sometimes I ask the question, "why did you left us so early?"
For many years I did not celebrate my birthdays after you left. Life goes on I know but my birthdays didn't give me enjoy anymore. I felt guilty a little bit. I was seeing you in my dreams in white bright dressed like an angel. Your smile, your face, your whole body were shining. Then I awoke I couldn't see you around.
I am remembering your mom. Her hair got white in a night. What a big big sadness! Even now I can't forget her... her? Oh God! Can't even describe how was the expression. Because really there's no any words to describe that situation.
She hugged me tough very tough. Even I couldn't take breath in a moment. She hugged and said: "You smell like Zarnishan! When I see you I feel she came."
My heart couldn't bear a mom's such helplessness. And a year later I left that school.